In recent weeks reports have surfaced that former-president Trump has been telling people that he could somehow be reinstated to the presidency, possibly as soon as August of this year.
But for as much fanfare as those stories have gotten — given that they’re based on absolutely nothing — it’s worth noting that they aren’t really a new issue. Back in January, Donald Trump was addressing a gathering of his followers at Joint Base Andrews in Maryland for the final speech of his presidency, and dropped some similar hints.
Preparing to leave behind the position he called his “greatest honor and privilege,” he told his followers that they are “amazing people,” and that he will “always fight” for them. He went on to wish Joe Biden’s administration “great luck and great success” to a tepid response, but when he told them “we love you, we will be back… in some form,” the cheers were raucous.
It was as though he’d announced the return of the McRib, but marinated in that Rick and Morty sauce and doused in Shamrock Shake. You could almost hear the crowd salivating for another chance to slurp some processed food-style slurry from Trump’s infected teet.
‘We will be back in some form’: Trump vows return in final speechwww.youtube.com
Is it good for them? Hell no. They eat it up anyway. But the question remains, what “form” is Donald Trump likely to take when he returns.
Sadly, like an after-credit scene that teases the sequel to the worst movie ever, that speech whet the appetite’s of the MAGA crowd without giving them much to go on. It may be some time before we find out what “form” Donald Trump intends to take.
Until then, the best we can do to prepare ourselves is to look at his options and consider which direction he might choose. With that in mind, these eight scenarios represent the most likely directions for Donald Trump to make a comeback.
As a Force Ghost
Donald Trump loves ratings. and what has better ratings than the second most successful film franchise of all time?
Okay, the answer is obviously the number one most successful franchise, but the rules for bringing someone back to life in the MCU are confusing and involve time travel. So better to stick with Star Wars, where you just come back as a serene, glowing version of yourself to pester the new guy with cryptic advice when he’s struggling.
As fellow Force ghost Obi Wan Kenobi once told Luke, “what I told you was true… from a certain point of view.” Which is maybe the most Trumpian nonsense dialogue in all of Star Wars. Since Twitter and Facebook are out of the question, Force ghost seems like a great option.
Also, there’s a twist where it turns out you get to keep some of your power for some reason? Like, maybe he could sign some Force ghost executive orders? The rules aren’t really clear.
As a “Ghost” Ghost
Another great model for returning as a ghost is the 1990 classic Ghost, starring Patrick Swayze. Donald Trump is always telling his followers how much he loves them, what better way to show that than to slip his ghostly arms around them while they work a lump of clay into the shape of a toadstool and listen to “Unchained Melody”?
There isn’t one. That’s the best way.
A Swirling Mufasa Cloud
That said, Trump’s “love” for his followers has always had more of a paternal quality, as when he told them “we love you, you’re very special … but go home.” So while his followers would certainly love to get “ghosted” by him, he might prefer to keep some of his regal distance.
Speaking of regal, Don Jr. recently compared Joe Biden succeeding his father to Scar usurping the throne in The Lion King. So maybe Donald Trump will want to take a page out of Mufasa’s book and come back as a swirling vision in the clouds. That could be cool, and it wouldn’t require him to have any close contact with his followers.
A Transformer
Then again, the whole ghost aesthetic has a bit of a “dead” vibe to it, and Donald Trump seems about as likely to accept his own mortality as he is to accept an election loss. But you know what never dies? Robots.
And considering the pure, perfect joy that Donald Trump experienced behind the wheel of a Mack truck, there’s no question what kind of robot he would choose to be — a transformer from Transformers. Is it possible that Donald Trump’s “executive time” was not spent watching TV and tweeting, but working with the nation’s best scientist to develop the technology to turn him into a shape-shifting robot?
Yes. Yes it is.
Frieza from DBZ
Of course, Donald Trump isn’t the first political leader to hint that he has another “form” up his sleeve. I’m speaking of course of Dragon Ball Z‘s Frieza, immortalized in the “this isn’t even my final form” meme.
And what’s better than being president of the most powerful country on Earth? How about being the emperor of an entire universe? if Trump comes back as Frieza, he would have more power to impose his will on the world, and access to numerous possible forms — though the gold version is the only one he’d probably care about.
A Larger, Spikier, Even More Racist Pokémon
Another option for his next form would follow the Pokémon model of “evolution.” Basically, this would involve Trump coming back as a larger, possibly spikier, and even more racist version of himself, with a new pun-based name.
MAGAzard? Venalsaur?
Trump TV
Okay, while all these other versions are still on the table, it’s probably worth considering what some might consider more “realistic” options. One that has been hinted at is the possibility that Donald Trump would start his own political party, the Patriot Party.
While this is certainly an option, most of Trump’s political allies would be unlikely to encourage him to do anything to split the Republican vote. And, in reality, Donald Trump doesn’t have much interest or skill when it comes to the organizational work it would require to start a serious political party.
If the Patriot Party happens, it will probably be in service of his true passion — being on TV. Especially now that his weird blog didn’t work out, if he gets the chance, and doesn’t have to do a lot of work for it, Donald Trump is absolutely going to launch his own TV channel. Trump TV will be a place where he can rant, hear his fans cheer for him, and bring people on to ask him softball questions.
In Our Recurring Nightmares
Of course the one form in which we can be absolutely certain we will continue encountering Trump is in our nightmares. We can all look forward to recurring stress dreams in which he is still the president, and you have to make him do some president work or your 10th grade government teacher will fail you.
Also, for some reason he won’t be wearing pants so, you know…brace yourself.
Are there more forms you think Donald Trump might take? Let us know on Facebook and Twitter.
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