The United States Post Office has been struggling lately, due to economic cuts, COVID-19, and attacks from the new Postmaster General and Donald Trump himself.
But as it turns out, the Post Office has a gift shop—which is full of a surprisingly huge variety of charming items!
Here are 10 of the postal service’s most adorable gift options, so you can support democracy and make your friends and family happy with some truly wonderful gifts.
1. U.S. Mail Carrier Dog Costume
Dogs f*cking love mailmen. Think of the emotional impact that losing the mailman would have on your dog. Your dog needs this admittedly slightly spooky but one hundred percent adorable gear to show their support for the postal service. It’s the perfect way to show off your truly patriotic side this Halloween, or really, anytime.
2. Earth Day Tote Bag
United States Post Office
Supporting the post office and the Earth? While the post office is a manmade institution and the Earth is a powerful and majestic macro-organism that won’t give too much of a damn about wiping all humans out if we keep pouring fossil fuels into its atmosphere, both the post office and the Earth are somehow also extremely adorable, especially when combined on a tote bag.
Support the post office that sustains our democracy and show your support for the planet that sustains all of our lives with this bag, which you’ll inevitably forget when you go to the grocery store, catalyzing a wave of guilt that ends in you joining a radical environmental activism organization and chaining yourself to the White House as part of this fall’s upcoming wave of mass civil disobedience. But that civil disobedience can only happen if we elect Joe Biden, who might actually make some of the changes we seek, but that can only happen if the postal service keeps running smoothly. It all begins with this cute tote.
3. Wild and Scenic Rivers Calendar
USPS
Give someone the gift of gazing at different wild scenic rivers around the world every month with this excellent calendar. Each month comes complete with an image from one of the Wild and Scenic Rivers Forever stamp. Breathtaking, calming, and probably the only way you’ll have any idea what day it is this year, this calendar is simply the perfect gift. Sure, it’s a 2020 calendar and we’re already over halfway through the year. But there are a lot of months yet, and we should all be meticulously planning out our election campaigning and Get Out the Vote strategies. Maybe you weren’t a wall-calendar person before COVID-19, but maybe now’s the time to embrace your inner wall-calendar persona.
4. Marvin Gaye Screen-Printed Poster
United States Post Office
Forget your basic college dorm-room posters: This poster of Marvin Gaye is actually really cool, and it’ll be a significant update to your quarantine space. Based on a USPS stamp and inspired by album artwork, this beautiful screen-printed poster is a must have.
5. First Moon Landing Cachet
First Moon Landing Cachet
Remember when going to space was actually a nationally unifying experience rather than a slightly upsetting, oddly disturbing collaboration between two egomaniacs, Elon Musk and Donald Trump? OK, you probably don’t remember, but the mythology still holds up. This special envelope—one of the many, many themed envelopes offered by the post office—features an image of Buzz Aldrin and includes a 1969 Moon Landing Forever stamp.
6. STEM Education Scramblers Game
US Post Office Merch
This sliding puzzle game is perfect for girls, guys, gays, and anyone in your life who would appreciate some number-related fun. Each puzzle celebrates a different STEM field: Science, technology, engineering, and math.
7. Protect Pollinators Activity Kit
United States Post Office Merch
This adorable “all about Monarchs” activity kit is perfect for any nature lover in your life. It’s also perfect for anyone who loves facts, games, and stickers, so all in all, this is an exquisite gift. The kit contains 24 pages of games, facts, stickers, and more, and comes complete with two stamped postcards for mailing. Mazes, puzzles, butterflies—this gift is an absolute win.
8. Sterling Silver Love Flourishes Necklaces
United States Post Office Merch
Want to show that special someone that you really, really love them? Honestly, what could possibly be more romantic than a necklace that also supports the postal service? The necklace is available in sterling silver and 14-karat gold, and the pendant is famed artist Anna Bond’s flowery Love stamp encased in a resin sheath. Roses, peonies, and dahlias swirl around the word that is the true meaning of life– if we don’t elect Joe Biden, it’s possible that we’ll all die along with the world’s peonies, roses, and dahlias thanks to climate change in a couple hundred years– and what could be more beautiful than that?
9. The Art of Magic Kit
United States Post Office Merch
Find the magic in the everyday with this charming kit of tricks from the USPS. It comes with stamps, a deck of cards and instructions on how to perform a variety of tricks that will blow your mind. By the end of this, you just might believe in magic.
10. O Beautiful Commemorative Panel
USPS
This commemorative panel (along with the USPS’s vast collection of patriotic panels) is certain to entertain your nostalgic grandpa or your nostalgic roommate or anyone longing for a “bygone time.” Avoid any MAGA vibes by channeling your nostalgia for a bygone America into appreciation for an institution that has actually been consistently helpful over the years: the USPS.
All of these gifts will be brought to you by charming postal service employees, who have long fought their way through rain, sleet, snow, and a pandemic to bring people their mail. I’m not crying, you’re crying.
Okay, maybe I am actually crying because it’s terrifying to see an age-old, loving and gentle institution nearly toppled by a disease, a man-child, and his cronies months before the most important and fragile election of our lifetimes. But it’s time to turn our tears into action. So get stamping, letter-writing, and pumped, because these next few months are going to be hell, but hopefully by the end of all of this we’ll have Donald Trump out and we’ll have the good fortune of getting to protest Joe Biden’s every decision, knowing that we actually have a chance of being heard.
