The Grammys are kind of like your babysitter from fourth grade—you thought they were so cool and hot, but now you realize you wore rose-colored glasses. They’re outdated, not as good looking as you remember, and have a Xanax addiction. Exactly like the Grammys.

All things considered, it’s no surprise that the 2019 Grammy’s had a lot of great moments. And by great, I mean laughably bad. Here are the best of the worst:

1. Nobody Showed Up

I’m not the only one who doesn’t care about the Grammys anymore. The artists don’t either.

This year, so many top names didn’t show up. Bradley Cooper, Jay Z, Rihanna, Kendrick Lamar, Kanye, Ed Sheeran—all no-shows. Some, like Taylor Swift, didn’t come due to contractual obligations. Others, like Ariana Grande, avoided “Music’s Biggest Night” because this time it’s personal. But all of the absentee artists had one thing in common: they missed out on Childish Gambino accepting his historic awards for “Song of the Year” and “Record of the Year.” Of course, so did Donald Glover, because he didn’t care enough to go either.

2. Drake Showing Up

The only thing funnier than not showing up to accept your own Grammy is showing up to accept your own Grammy and then slamming the Grammys in your speech. This is exactly what Drake did when he won “Best Rap Song.”

“We play in an opinion-based sport, not a factual-based sport. The point is, you’ve already won if you have people who are singing your songs word for word, if you’re a hero in your hometown. Look, if there’s people who have regular jobs who are coming out in the rain and snow, spending money to buy tickets to your shows, you don’t need this right here. You already won,” said Drake. In doing so, he channeled the spirit of every guy who comments, “I’m leaving this group!” in the middle of a Facebook temper tantrum.

3. The Motown Tribute

A lot of people were decidedly unhappy about Jennifer Lopez heading up the Motown tribute. Many believed that a Motown tribute—performed during Black History Month no less—should be helmed by a black artist. The backlash has been so intense that Smokey Robinson himself has come out to defend J. Lo, calling complainers “stupid.” Be that as it may, my complaint has nothing to do with Jenner Lopez and everything to do with Smokey Robinson. When Smokey came out singing “my Jen,” I literally wretched. I never knew that the words “my” and “Jen” uttered in conjunction with one another by a 78-year-old man would make phlegm bubble up in my throat, but wow, what a moment.

Okay, in fairness, there were a few nice parts of the Grammys. Dolly Parton is a treasure and she killed it with Miley Cyrus. BTS became the first K-POP band to ever present at the Grammys, and BTS makes everything they touch better. Michelle Obama came, which was great because she’s not Melania Trump.

Oh, and someone had to sit next to Post Malone’s stank, which is also very funny.

But ultimately, the Grammys were pretty “meh” just like last year and the year before it and every other year to come. But hey, what else do you expect?

Dan Kahan is a writer & screenwriter from Brooklyn, usually rocking a man bun. Find more at dankahanwriter.com

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