In a stroke of absolute genius, online model and sex worker Kaylen Ward mobilized the forces of thirsty Internet men to combat the raging Australian wildfires.
Ward, who currently goes by “THE NAKED PHILANTHROPIST” on Twitter, kicked her charity efforts off on Friday with a single Tweet: “I’m sending nudes to every person who donates at least $10 to any one of these fundraisers for the wildfires in Australia. Every $10 you donate = one nude picture from me to your DM. You must send me confirmation that you donated.” She included a (covered) picture of her butt, and the donations rolled in.
By Monday, an estimated $700,000 had been donated towards the environmental crisis in pursuit of Ward’s naked pics.
It’s impossible to underplay the brilliance of Ward’s efforts. If there’s one universal truth on the Internet, it’s that dudes are really f*cking horny. But nobody has monetized this horniness for justice…until now. In one selfless act, Ward opened the floodgates. All a person needs to do to get horny dudes to care about literally anything other than their d*cks is to offer them naked pictures. It really is that simple.
To celebrate her accomplishment, Instagram responded by banning Ward, even though she was running her campaign on Twitter. “This account was disabled for violating our policies. Offering nude images is not allowed on Instagram,” Facebook told BuzzFeed News, practically falling over themselves to prove that they don’t care about the greater good.
Amazingly, Ward––who is American and based out of Los Angeles––has done more to combat the Australian wildfires than Australia’s own right-wing Prime Minister, Scott Morrison, who continues to support the coal industry and vacationed in Hawaii while at least 25 of his own citizens died in the fires.
In essence, a single nude model’s butth*le––which isn’t even located in Australia––is literally more valuable to Australians than their entire Prime Minister. Great job, Scott Morrison! Also, un-ironically great job to Kaylen Ward. Who knows, maybe Australian Prime Minister Scott Morrison can take a page out of Ward’s book and offer up some nudes of his own.
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