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The Outer Banks: Hell On Earth
The hit Netflix series — Outer Banks — arrived at a perfect time. It was the peak of COVID lockdown, we were all totally delusional from being stuck with our families for so long. And we needed a ripoff of Goonies filled with hot young actors to get us through.
I’m sure you remember…all the guys started dressing like Chase Stokes’ character — John B. — with short sleeved button downs, shaggy long hair, and the signature bandana around the neck. Like I said, we were delusional.
The success of Outer Banks solidified careers of young actors like Stokes, Madelyn Cline, Drew Starkey, Rudy Pankow, and more…and the show also guaranteed a multi-season whirlwind.
But, like all Netflix originals geared towards younger audiences (looking at you, Emily in Paris and My Life With The Walter Boys), it follows a group of reckless protagonists who don’t deserve actual happiness.
Now, as the most recent season has been released, I sit on my couch watching this group of 19-year-olds disregard their families and futures, make catastrophic decisions, and reap almost zero benefit from their actions.
Seriously, Season 4 of Outer Banks is so infuriating that my roommate dubbed it “rage bait” as we watched with our jaws on the floor.
If you’ve made it this far in the article, I’ll warn you: there are many spoilers ahead and I — quite frankly — am so livid, I don’t care if I’m ruining it for you.
What Goes Wrong In The Outer Banks Season 4 Part 1?
I guess I should be saying: what doesn’t go wrong? If you recall, the group had been rescued from a deserted island and taken back to the OBX where they eventually were deemed heroes.
Season 4 gets into what happens next. We know the group gets offered a new exhibition: to go find Blackbeard’s treasure. And we know they take it…but how they get there is completely infuriating.
The group is nouveau riche: with a collective net worth of $1.1 million amongst the six of them…which, my roommate and I simultaneously note is not enough money whatsoever.
I mean, $1.1 million won’t even get you a beachside property in New Jersey these days. They need to get a grip. Even at 19, I wasn’t dumb enough to think that $1.1 million divided by six would be enough to get me through life.
AND THEN it somehow gets worse. J.J. is hellbent on reclaiming his childhood home, which is being auctioned off for $80,000. By this point, my knuckles are white on the couch from gripping the seat so hard. I know where this is going, and I’m pissed off.
Yes, they end up in a macho man bidding war in which J.J. drops $750,000 for his ratty home. Not only that, it’s situated on a marsh that will likely be underwater in a decade.
Has a show ever made you so angry that you started doing math? Well here we go. That brings the group’s pot down to about $350,000 remaining.
Now, they decide to live out their dreams, renovate the exterior of the house and transform it into a drive up bait-and-tackle shop. J.J. buys a boat, too. So, let’s just say even if they cut a lot of deals and are super resourceful, that had to run them at least $100,000.
Now we’re down to $250,000 amongst six humans, which is about $42,000 per person. Before even making a sale at this store. Our only hope is that poor Pope — who’s risked it all to be friends with these idiots — can use that to go to college.
But no, J.J. decides to go on a bike racing bender, where he bets all the money on himself to win. SPOILER ALERT! He doesn’t win.
At this point, my roommate turns to me and says “that dumb blonde boy and John B. are the only ones who would not be better off going back to their parents.”
So, that’s how they end up tied up in this insane scenario trying to find Blackbeard’s treasure…an amulet that a family claims will cure their curse. This rich, weird family is offering only $50,000 for this seemingly irreplaceable piece of jewelry…so obviously they say yes.
I don’t know why I have to say this, but if someone’s only offering you $50,000 to potentially break the law…they do not respect you and they think you’re stupid. In fact, they probably hope you end up in jail.
It’s just baffling to me that no one thought to go back on their hands-and-knees screaming for their parents’ forgiveness. If I had to go through all this trauma, all the literal blood, sweat, tears, and starvation…I’d be begging for help and staying far away from John B.
Like, I’m sorry Kie, but you wanted to save the turtles. That was your big issue with living at home. Your family was too uppity and rich, so now look what’s happening.
The whole show is just as horrific as you think. I won’t spoil the end, because honestly I had to look it up to figure it out. But just know, you probably won’t be able to tear your eyes from the screen.