With songs like “Mama’s Broken Heart” and “Kerosene,” Miranda Lambert has long proven that she has no interest in what’s polite. Like an event right out of one of her songs, the CMA award winner was reportedly dining out at a Nashville restaurant with her mother and a “family friend” on February 10th when the group got into an altercation with another diner.

According to TMZ, Lambert’s “friend” was in the restroom when another man became angry over a statement about millennials’ cellphone use. The man later approached Lambert’s table and raised his voice at the singer and her companions, prompting Lambert to dump a salad in his wife’s lap. The police were called, but the two-time Grammy award winner and her companions had left by the time they arrived. Thus far, neither Lambert nor her team have commented on the event.

Now, the recordings of the various 911 calls that were made at the time have been released. They’re exceptionally entertaining.

Highlights include:

“Miranda’s trying to hit people and she’s flipping over on ’em!”

“One guy says he’s a cop and the other says he works for homeland security.”

The manager of the restaurant describing the two men’s weights very specifically.

The calls have made it very clear that one of the perpetrators of the fight was Miranda Lambert’s new husband, Brendan Mcloughlin, a NYPD police officer who matches the descriptions relayed in the calls. At the time of the incident, Lambert had yet to announce her marriage, waiting until Valentine’s Day to post the following:

We guess a couple that throws salad together, stays together. Maybe. It appears Lambert’s new man has a bit of a track record of infidelity. The 27-year-old welcomed a new baby into the world with a woman named Kaihla Rettinger just 3 months ago, despite being engaged to Jackie Bruno at the time of the baby’s conception and birth. According to Bruno’s mother, Rettinger called Bruno to inform her about the baby while Bruno was in Sweden playing professional soccer, “[Brendan] tried to deny it and then begged her to stay with him,” she continued. “She was only going for a few months to play, he was begging her to marry him before she left, even though he knew the girl was pregnant.” It remains unclear when the law enforcement officer began dating Lambert.

While we don’t blame Lambert for the restaurant throw down because we’re also tired of salad, the constant criticism of millennials, and we’re definitely tired of old men who think they have the right to your attention. We are a little concerned about the reliability of her new man, though. But then again, if he does end up being a scum bag, we’ll inevitably get more iconic break up anthems from the least lady-like lady in country music.

Brooke Ivey Johnson is a Brooklyn based writer, playwright, and human woman. To read more of her work visit her blog or follow her twitter @BrookeIJohnson.

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