Every week one of Popdust’s disposable clones — grown in a vault deep beneath the Mojave desert — is exposed to the outside world through a relentless feed of news, pop culture, and social media.

The arduous process accelerates their dissolution back into an amorphous clone slurry. But before they go, they leave behind a document of what they’ve absorbed and what they’ve learned — a time capsule preserving a single moment in the slow-motion collapse of civilization. An End Times Update…

End Times Update 4 16 2021 Jake Paul, Kid Cudi, and Police Shootingsyoutube.com

Transcript 4/16/2021:

Koyaanisqatsi… Koyaanisqatsi… Koyaanisqatsi…

Oh hi! Welcome to another End Times Update, presented by popdust. I’ll be your clone host for this week, Reince Egress.

As always, we’ll be taking a tour through the latest and greatest signs of mankind’s impending demise. So if you find yourself overwhelmed at any point by the unshakable approach of civilizational collapse, just take a deep breath… and smash that like button. Then make sure to subscribe for more existential dread.

As with every week that that remains in humanity’s shrinking future, this one was even crazier than the last. And yet, I can’t quite think of where to begin. hmm…

Hmm…

Oh, I know! Let’s talk celebrity babies!

This week former child star couple Macaulay Culkin of Home Alone and Brenda Song of Disney’s The Suite Life of Zack and Codyannounced the birth of their first child, Dakota Song Culkin. The couple shared a mixture of excitement and trepidation at the prospect of being new parents.

Over the weekend, rapper Kid Cudi performed on Saturday Night Live with host Carey Mulligan. Cudi received praise for his decision to wear a floral Off-White dress in an homage to the late Nirvana frontman Kurt Cobain. But while people appreciated Cudi’s rejection of gender norms, fashion critic Luke Meagher criticized the dress’s overly tight neckline, characterizing it as “ugly.”

Colton Underwood, the virginal star of the 2019 season of The Bachelor, also made history this week, coming out as a gay man in a twist that no one saw coming…

Speaking of shocking news, new allegations have surfaced against YouTuber turned boxer Jake Paul that paint the 23 year old as kind of a terrible person. TikTok star Justine Paradise accused Paul of sexual assault, detailing her 2019 experience at his Calabasas home.

TRIGGER WARNING: Jake Paul Sexually Assaulted Mewww.youtube.com

While she corroborated her story with contemporaneous texts and social media posts, if we’re to believe her version of events we have to accept her characterization of Jake Paul as someone so spoiled by wealth and fame — so used to getting whatever he wants — that he can’t relate to other human beings, and only values them to the extent that they serve his interests…

Paul has vehemently denied the accusations, claiming that sexual assault isn’t in his character because he’s a quote, “momma’s boy.” But since Paradise shared her story, fellow TikToker Railey Lollie has come forward claiming to have had a similar experience with Paul in 2017 — when she was a minor. And, according to Paradise, numerous others have reached out to her directly to share traumatic experiences with Paul and other YouTubers in his orbit.

In any case, it’s safe to say that no one in the world is hoping to see Jake Paul gets his ass handed to him in Saturday’s boxing match against olympic wrestler and mixed martial artist Ben Askren.

Well, that’s it for this week! If the world survives longer than I do, we’ll send another clone with more updates. Until then, byyyyyyye!