I’ll admit it here: I didn’t read Dune. But I’ll also swear on my life that I’ve had Frank Herbert’s massive odyssey of a novel on my TBR long before the new adaptation, Dune: Part One(let alone Dune: Part Two), was set in motion by Denis Villeneuve. I’m not new to this, but I’m also not true to this.

It’s my father’s favorite book, so I grew up half-grateful, half-scornful he didn’t name me Chani. Now that Zendaya is playing that role, I’m still ambivalent about the choice.

Which is to say, all these long years, I still haven’t even turned to the first page. Therefore, I don’t know how it ends — specifically if Prince Paul Atreides (Timothee Chalamet) gets the girl in the end. I guess I’ll find out on March 1st, Dune: Part Two’s long-awaited release date (shoutout to the SAG strike). But until then, I have even hotter Dune tea to contemplate: Did Timothee dump Kylie Jenner?

Where have these two been? No Kylie and Timothee Paparazzi Pictures, No Nothing.

For a couple comprised of two of the hottest celebrities alive, their relationship has been so amorphous in the public eye. They haven’t been taking over tabloids with not-so-candid appearances. In fact, all the Kylie and Timothee pictures have been rare and somewhat tame. Yet, they also haven’t been completely hush-hush. This middle ground is somewhat unsatisfying. After Kylie and Timothee pictures broke the internet at Beyonce’s Renaissance tour and then again at the US Open, 2023’s odd couple have been fairly quiet. This year, they only came up for air to smooch on camera at the Golden Globes. Now, with radio silence persisting ad Timothee in his flop era, some wonder if this unlikely pair has run its course. I mean, even the famously private Tom Holland and Zendaya are more conspicuous than these two.

Are Kylie and Timothee actually dating?

I will say, I’m a hater. I never loved this pairing. Not because I have some parasocial claim on our generation’s Leonardo DiCaprio. Nor because I have some purist notion that he is somehow “too good” for Kylie Jenner just because his name is a little French. And, unlike my darling Aaron Taylor Johnson, the Kylie Jenner/Timothee Chalamet age difference is perfectly acceptable — only two years, even though she sometimes looks like his mom (sorry, Miss Girl!).

When it comes to celebs, I think they all deserve each other. But since it’s become so ubiquitous that Kris Jenner orchestrates her daughters’ lives with the dexterity and precision of a chess grandmaster, nothing the KarJenner clan does surprises me. The most gossip these two ever gave was Selena Gomez Gate.

Even if I believe it’s a real relationship — I mean, c’mon, who could resist either of them — there’s absolutely nothing charming about the fact that it probably had to be Kris-approved to come into the world and will have to be Kris-approved to come out of it.

That’s not sexy. That’s not what I want from my Timothee Chalamet dating rumors. I miss when he was making out on boats in grainy pictures with Lily-Rose Depp and Eiza Gonzalez. I wish for him what Dua Lipa has with Callum Turner. What Sabrina Carpenter has with Barry Keoghan. Hell, even what the American Royal Couple Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce have. Not this sanitized version of a surprise couple.

So … Did Timothee Dump Kylie?

If the rumors are true: I might get my wish after all. Reports (re: Deuxmoi and Reddit) say that Timothee was acting very single on a night out after the Dune: Part Two premiere in New York City. While his committed costars Austin Butler, Florence Pugh, Anya Taylor-Joy, and Zendaya slept, Timmy was allegedly out partying in SoHo like a singleton. Oh, to be young and hot in New York.

Where was Kylie? Putting Stormi to bed, one can assume. But was she waiting for a call from her man? Or is that not her man anymore? If not, her recent paparazzi pics in her Khy bodycon dress might have to be reclassified as a revenge dress. We’ll have to wait and see if more Kylie and Timothee paparazzi pictures surface. Though Kris Jenner, I implore you: if there are more Kylie and Timothee pictures, please keep them to yourself.

Take this all with a grain of salt, of course.

I may not know much about Dune, but one thing I know for certain is who pulls the strings in this town. When Kris Jenner deems the timing right, and only then, will the news break (and the Kylie and Timothee pictures cease for good)— not with a bang, I fear, but a whimper. I can only hope Dune: PartTwo goes out with a grander finale than this controversial, but ultimately uninteresting. coupling.

Anyway, watch the Dune: Part Two Trailer Here:

See you all on March 1st.

Dune: Part Two | Official Trailer 3www.youtube.com