Bad Song Contest, You in First Place: The Five Worst Jams of Summer 2012

Five Worst Summer Songs

Posted by on 09/13/2012 at 12:05 PM

The Popdust Files: 2 Chainz, kanye west

#2 2 Chainz feat. Kanye West, “Birthday Song”

There’s such a fine line between the comedic and tragic, and 2 Chainz crossed over to the latter with second Based on a T.R.U. Story single “Birthday Song.” Never the most intellectual of rappers—his most memorable lyric to that point concerned naming his baby Mercedes, after the car in which she was conceived—2 Chainz lost all claims to LMFAO-style “brilliantly stoopid” lyricism with “Birthday,” a song so dumb and monotonous that not even a Kanye West guest verse could redeem it.

Aside from the song’s bland and hookless beat, the problems with “Birthday Song” really begin and end with the chorus, which consists of three consecutive lyrical ideas that have absolutely nothing to do with one another:

1. They ask me what I do and who I do it for
2. And how I come up with this shit up in the studio
3. All I want for my birthday is a big booty ho

So, aside from the fact that these ideas are total non-sequiturs and sound totally ridiculous when connected into a chorus, some corresponding issues:

1. No they don’t.
2. No they don’t.
3. OK….so? If the rest of the song was on the topic of Chainz’ birthday wishes (or at least his love for said ho’s) maybe this would make sense or be catchy or something, and Kanye tries to hook it in with his verse about how being married for ten years entitles you to a menage a trois with your wife’s big-assed friends (arguable, but compelling), but Chainz is too busy listing which stores he’d like to be buried in (Gucci, Jewelry, True-y?) and bragging about having “had more bombs than Pakistan.” (Good thing?) And this ridiculous incoherent mess of a song goes on for FIVE MINUTES! There are barely five seconds’ worth of ideas contained in “Birthday Song,” how they managed to stretch it to the length of two-and-a-half “Song 2″s is a truly astounding feat.

Great video, though.

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