CULTURE

Fits Are Better When You Throw Them Together

A good relationship means good style

Best Couples' Style

Tom Holland and Zendaya by DFree/Shutterstock // Brooklyn Beckham, Nicola Peltz MediaPunch/Shutterstock

We all know that one couple that refuses to tone it down and turn it off. I’m talking excessive PDA, feeding each other, and — heaven forfend! — chattering to each other in baby voices. I shiver and cringe every time I hang out with them. But when it comes to overly cutesy couple behaviors, there’s one thing I kind of respect: epic couple’s style.

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Culture Feature

People Who Want Joe Jonas's Disembodied Hand Should Be Put on a List

Who would want this, and why is Expedia giving away 250 of them?

Have you ever loved a celebrity so much that you wanted their autograph?

Okay, that's pretty normal stuff. What about a lock of hair? An item of clothing? A severed hand?

We are now officially in serial killer territory, and for some reason Expedia and Joe Jonas are condoning it with their "Helping Hand" giveaway. The travel company teamed up with the "Cake by the Ocean" singer to offer 250 lucky "fans" — in this case referring to the original meaning of "fanatics," e.g. uncomfortably obsessive people — a molded replica of Jonas's right hand.

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Build Back Better

Photo by SHAWN THEW/EPA-EFE/Shutterstock

It's been said many times: Leaving Trump behind feels like emerging from an abusive relationship, or perhaps renewing one's relationship with a former BFF (America) after she leaves her sh*tty man.

After all, Trump is a classic abuser. He gaslights, he lies, he cheats, and he is leaving behind an America with 200,000 people dead and more dying every day. He never admits his mistakes, creating a vicious cycle wherein he does something atrocious, gets a tan, and then shows up smiling with flowers (or in his case, a last-minute attempt to curry favor with the Black community by befriending several aging rappers).

Many Americans are still under his spell, and there's not much a lot of us can do about it. People in abusive relationships are often in denial about what's happening to them, and they often won't leave until they decide to. Shaming someone in an abusive relationship is rarely an effective way to get them out of it, as they've likely already been shamed many times.

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Culture News

Joe Jonas and Sophie Turner Are Expecting a Baby

The Jonas Brother and the actress got married last year.

Jonas Brothers - What A Man Gotta Do (Official Video)

Just nine months after their kitschy Las Vegas wedding, Joe Jonas and Sophie Turner are expecting a baby!

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The currency of musical success is controversy, a theory proven true over and over again by artists from Ariana Grande to Kesha.

A pop song or album paired with a highly public break up or story of familial redemption is a recipe for a smash hit, regardless of the actual quality of the music. Take Grande's "thank u, next," for example. It's an average-to-boring song with an excellent back story—Grande's split from Pete Davidson and the death of Mac Miller, her former boyfriend. People listened because of the same impulse that leads them to read tabloids: the desire to feel connected to a celebrity and a part of a cultural conversation.

Similarly—after spending much of the last year in the headlines because of their respective weddings and familial reconciliation—the Jonas Brothers could have released just about anything and people would have listened, simply to be a part of the comeback of a 2000's teen-pop staple. What the brothers did release, a 14 track LP called Happiness Begins, is a little bit better than the least they could do. It wouldn't be fair to say that their decade-long hiatus ruined the trio's sound, because they never had much of a distinctive sound to begin with. A Jonas Brother's song from 2006 to 2009 can be distinguished by whiny vocal runs, a dated boy band sound, and a distinctly Disney channel sweetness. Now, in their 2019 renaissance, those things remain true—minus the juvenile innocence. On Happiness Begins, one thing is made clear: The Jonas Brothers have cast aside their purity rings and they want listeners to know it. Their new songs are decidedly and intentionally steamy, focusing on the ins-and-outs of love (they're practically begging you to think about Priyanka Chopra and Nick Jonas on their wedding night). The songs are essentially adult versions of the 2008 hit "Burnin' Up," in content and form.

The lead single, "Sucker," remains far and away the best the album has to offer, with songs like "Used To Be" and "Rollercoaster" still managing to hold their own by depending less on synthy effects and more on harmony and storytelling. Throughout the 14 tracks, the brothers' virtually identical singing voices intermingle and glide over basic pop beats, occasionally incorporating seemingly random genre influences, like the marimba on "Only Human" that gives the track a jarring reggae sound. Otherwise, the production doesn't differ much from that of the songs released in the era when the Jo-Bro's donned untamed curls and fashion scarves to the delight of tween girls everywhere.

Happiness Begins is decidedly one thing: a brilliant ploy to ensure sold-out concerts. It's an album just similar enough to vintage Jonas Brothers music to be nostalgic and just different enough to entice a new generation. While listening, you can almost picture the stadium show: the brothers rising from the stage to frantic screams and a sentimental slideshow of childhood photos playing in the background as they harmonize and strut the stage to a ballad like "Hesitate."

Summarily, it's an unremarkable, safe collection of tracks obviously written by the churning machine of the music industry for use by the highest bidder. But that's all it needed to be. We culturally welcomed the Jonas Brothers back to the forefront of fame with open arms, and consequently, they could have force-fed us any version of their tepid boy band pop and we would have gulped it down eagerly. Perhaps listeners can be grateful that it's at least a solid, listenable album—albeit formulaic and unsurprising.

Happiness Begins

Giphy

The Jonas Brothers' upcoming "Happiness Begins" tour is a nostalgic flash of early 2000s pop music, Disney Channel's golden age, and trendy purity rings that successfully marketed sex to tweens by constantly reminding them not to have sex.

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