These are trying times for Beliebers, what with the pot-smoking and the alleged sex romps and the passive-aggressive breakup songs and all, and he’s not making it any easier with “Lolly,” his latest release. It’s not a Justin Bieber song proper; rather, the Bieb shows up as a guest rapper—been a while since he played that part—on Maejor Ali’s (once Bei Maejor—I dunno man, you ask him) latest jam “Lolly,” also featuring Juicy J (of Three 6 Mafia and “Bandz a Make Her Dance” fame).
The song is indeed a rap song, with certain concessions to a family-friendly audience not necessarily being made. Juicy J makes his requisite references, to pussy-popping, ass-slapping, train-running and the like, and of course the entire song is a none-too-subtle invitation to oral sex (received, not performed). But all that said, Bieb’s performance rarely, if ever eclipses a PG rating. Here’s his verse, with potentially scandalous lyrics bolded:
Going Al Pacino, like I’m at a casino (1)
I’m all fancy, yeah I’m popping Pellegrino (2)
I’m in the El Camino when I pull up on scene though
You know I’m a real OG and baby I am from the TO
I’m messing with the clique though, meet me on the sixth floor
Know you ain’t a model, you should let me take some pics though (3)
Windows down, speakers loud, look down at my sneakers now
Got so many features, tell the creatures just to beat it now
Fifty for the necklace, look down at my set list
Got your girlfriend at my crib watching Netflix (4)
Let’s just admit that I’m the bestest
Guess this, you ain’t ever on the guest list
Of course, none of these “potentially scandalous” lyrics are actually all that noteworthy:
1. Bieb being at a casino doesn’t mean he’s actually gambling underage, he could just be passing through on his way in between Cirque du Soleil shows.
2. Popping Pellegrino is legal in most countries.
3. Everyone takes pictures these days, have you seen that new site Instagram?
4. Watching Netflix with a young lady friend is a fairly wholesome activity, unless you’re queuing up a whole lot of Larry Clark movies.
Point is, Bieb’s clean on this one. But while this might sound like we’re saying that Beliebers shouldn’t be giving Justin the business for appearing on this song, it’s not so: Rather, we’re saying, don’t take the Bieb to task for being foul on this song, take him to task for appearing on a song that was so foul to begin with. I mean seriously, “She says she loves my lolly / She wanna make it pop?” Not even Jeremih would sink that low, and we’re pretty sure that another dude already beat this crap to the punch with the extended lollipop/penis metaphor (and even that was not without its faults).
You can do better than this, Bieber. Or at least, you can just stop doing things like this altogether.