Below is a real paragraph in a news story about the latest Chris Brown fight. We’ve stripped out all the identifying details, so you can use it for every Chris Brown fight story from now until forever:
Brown, [age], is alleged to have been involved in an “[adjective] brawl” with [descriptive noun] [superstar musician] and his/her [group] [time], according to [media source]. The two reportedly were at [music-related venue] in Los Angeles when the melee occurred. Reports are still [adjective], but witnesses told police that the fight was over a [noun], according to [media source]. The Los Angeles County Sheriff’s Department says the “altercation allegedly led to Chris Brown punching the victim,” who remains to be identified. Sheriff’s officials are still investigating the case and said they will contact Brown later.
(In case you were wondering, the missing details are, in order: “23,” “all-out,” “crooner,” “Frank Ocean,” “crew,” “Sunday night,” “TMZ,” “Westlake Studios,” “hazy,” “parking space,” “Associated Press.”)
Bookmark this page, entertainment reporters! When Chris Brown ends up fighting Miguel over a Junior Bacon Cheeseburger (which should be in about, oh, four months), you’ll be glad you did.