Cleaning Out the Arsenal on “Beyoncé Was _____ At the Inauguration” Theories
Posted by Newson 01/24/2013 at 11:53 AM
You remember the whole “Beyoncé was lip-synching at the inauguration” controversy that happened, like, five minutes ago? Yeah, hold the phone on that one—now there’s some counter-theorists saying that she has to have been singing after all. Some sound engineer says the wind sounds picked up by the mic proves it was a live performance, Slate says the way the volume of her vocal changed the further or closer the mic was to her mouth proves it was a live performance, blah de bloo do blahdebloo.
We’re not super-interested in getting to the bottom of this mystery, so instead, we’re just going to lob every possible theory for what happened that afternoon out there, to try to preempt any other explanation that might emerge from the fallout of this non-controversy. Pick your favorite and run with it:
- Beyoncé was actually violently ill that day, so her number-one impersonator was sent out in her stead, and used her well-honed Bey miming skills to sing along with her recorded track.
- Beyoncé was singing live over her own pre-recorded track, hoping the confusion and controversy that would invariably ensue would keep her in the headlines and create hype for her upcomign Super Bowl gig.
- The Inauguration did not actually occur earlier this week, but was rather a cleverly edited (and slightly re-recorded) outtake from Pres. Obama’s first go-round back in 2008, when Bey recorded an extra National Anthem for Barack to thank him for picking up the check the last time the two double-dated at Momofuku.
- Beyoncé did not sing live, and hasn’t actually sung live in five years, when an evil, jealous queen who lives under the sea cast a spell on her that robbed her of her voice. The vocal track used was leftover from a National Anthem that Bey recorded before a Houston Rockets game back in 2002.
- The entire thing was just a Blue Ivy dream sequence.
Only Beyoncé’s earpiece knows the whole truth.
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