According to reports, Justin Bieber has done the smart thing and given Saturday Night Live—which he’ll be hosting and performing on in a couple weeks’ time—permission to do a skit mocking his recent pot-smoking photo revelation. Good of the Bieb to get out in front of this, own up to it, and make fun of himself for it in front of millions of live late-night viewers. It’s called being an adult.
Of course, the skit will need some focus and direction, and given that as pop music bloggers we’re far more qualified to come up with such items than a crack team of comedy writers, we’ve decided to give theSNL crew a head start with five frameworks for such Bieber-Stoner (BiebStoner? Stieber?) skits. Start chuckling now, friends:
1. Bieber as Scarface from Half Baked. Floats around his apartment with his three stoner friends (played by obvious pastiches of Lil Twist, Cody Simpson and Michael Madsen), then quits his job at Schoolboy Records with the ol’ “Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you….you’re cool (points at Carly Rae Jepsen)…fuck you AND I’M OUT.”
2. Bieber as Victim of Peer Pressure from Selena Gomez. Bieber and Selena are making out at Bieber’s pad when Selena pulls out a big fattie from her purse and prepares to light it up. “Gosh, Selena, do you think we should? I mean, think of the paparazzi. Think of the children and parents who look to us as an example!” Selena rolls her eyes, snapping “Uhhh, think of you being a gigantic PUSSSSSAYYYY??? Take a puff, bitch, before I light your curtains on fire FOR NO REASON.”
3. Bieber as Stoner Drummer. At a Justin Bieber concert, all the fans are excited to see Justin take a seat behind his drumkit as the rest of the stage sets up for him to play “Baby.” Ten minutes into his increasingly self-indulgent solo, fans are significantly less excited. A brief pause gives fans hope the song is finally to begin, but is halted by Bieber going “Wait, wait, hold up, I’m gonna try to do the fills from ‘Tom Sayer’ now! BIDDIDDAADIDDIDDABIDDIDDABUM!!!!”
4.Bieber as PSA. A montage of Bieber’s post-inhalation exploits sees the teen pop sesation fall into a downward spiral of hardcore raving, teen bullying, and eventual Canadian defection. It turns out to all be a dream, and Bieber wakes safe and sound in his oversized Toronto Maple Leafs throwback sweater, swearing off drugs forever.
5. Bieber as Wooderson from Dazed and Confused. “That’s what I love about these cougar moms, man. I get older, they stay the same age.”