Beyoncé’s Upcoming HBO Documentary is Her Chance To Prove She’s Not a Robot
Posted by Newson 11/26/2012 at 5:08 PM
Beyoncé will direct and star in a documentary about her life, set to premiere on HBO February 16, 2013. The news came by way of HBO president Michael Lombardo, as well as Bey herself, on Monday, following last month’s announcement that she’ll be performing on the Super Bowl halftime show. Between these two gigs and that photo of her in the studio with Miguel, are we just to assume she’ll have new music by New Year’s Day? It certainly wouldn’t be a bad thing.
According to HBO, the film is “a fusion of video that provides raw, unprecedented access to the private entertainment icon,” which we hope means a detailed Blue Ivy growth chart. This summer reports surfaced that Beyoncé would soon be adding documentarian to her resume, after she served as director and executive producer of last year’s Live at Roseland concert DVD, so the latest news isn’t a huge surprise. But with television schedules getting more and more crowded by the day, we appreciate the advance notice and its help in crafting our upcoming DVR strategy. Who knows if there will be a sequel to Liz and Dick by then?
While we’ve enjoyed a closer look into the near-perfect life of Mrs. Sean Carter via her flawless Tumblr, there are oh so many aspects of Beyoncé’s life that we desperately hope she’ll use this forum to comment on. For starters:
WHAT IS HER RELATIONSHIP WITH HER DAD LIKE TODAY?
During the Destiny’s Child days, Matthew Knowles guided the group to mainstream stardom and comfortable retirement funds, shoveling off dead weight in favor of a tighter dynamic that would allow his baby girl to shine. He stuck with Bey throughout the majority of her solo career, parting ways (read: he was fired) in 2011 after ugly rumors about stolen funds. He’s been largely out of the spotlight ever since, unlike Miss Tina—or, perennial stage dad, Joe Simpson—and we’d really love to know whether or not all the business mumbo jumbo strained his relationship with his daughter.
IS SHE THREATENED BY RIHANNA? AND WHAT DOES SHE THINK ABOUT KIM KARDASHIAN?
The rumors that Jay-Z and Rihanna were more than just label boss and protege have largely dissipated since 2007—thanks, Chris Brown—back when they were thought to be the subject of Bey’s “Resentment.” Hearing the B’Day track live during her Atlantic City gig last May brought back lots of feelings and theories about what Mrs. Carter thinks about the super successful, DGAF Bardadian and her penchant for pantslessness. Don’t get us started on Jay’s decision to drop “Ri” before “B” in his “Clique” verse.
Bey’s thoughts on Kim feel a little more obvious, but it would still be nice to have confirmation.
WHAT DOES SHE THINK ABOUT JAY-Z’S LYRICS?
Following the birth of Blue Ivy, an erroneous report surfaced claiming that Hov was retiring the word “bitch” from his lyrical arsenal. A respectable decision, if not slightly hypocritical given the bevy of songs he’s dropped the word in over his career. Excluding B.B. (Before Bey) tracks like “Girls, Girls, Girls,” how does his Queen feel about being called that “hot bitch in [his] home” or the entirety of Watch The Throne‘s “That’s My Bitch“? It’s complimentary, but for a woman who preaches the importance of self-love and empowerment, does it ever feel contradictory to dance along to music flooded with a term fellow females have fought hard to overcome?
HOW CAN SHE PROVE SHE REALLY BIRTHED BLUE IVY?
Haters gonna hate, and conspiracy theorists won’t rest until biological proof is presented on a silver platter—with a complimentary chocolate to wash things down with. The latter half of 2011 was riddled with rumors that Beyoncé had secretly hired a surrogate to carry her child. Her ability to return to fighting form just five months after Blue Ivy entered the world furthered the belief thoughts that Bey and Jay couldn’t get pregnant on their own, or that Bey simply wouldn’t risk her career for the sake of a baby. Save for one elaborate ruse all of Lenox Hill Hospital was in on, we believe Blue truly is a pinch of Hov, a whole glass of B. But we wouldn’t object to a more detailed account of each trimester. Hope you saved that placenta, B!
HOW DOES SHE FEEL ABOUT THE REPUBLICAN PARTY?
There must be some post-election soundbites that weren’t suitable for publishing on her website.
Maybe she doesn’t owe us anything and maybe we should just shut up, cheer wildly for those show-stopping live performances and cry at each new image of her beautiful family that comes across our dashboard. But the more and more Beyoncé continues to live a guarded and arguably perfect existence, the more and more we begin to understand the argument that it’s all fake and she’s a big phony. We’d love to set the record (that Beyoncé is merely a goddess among mortals, deserving of all the praise, fame and envy her wonders earn her) straight with some truly revealing perspective, rather than glowing PR fluff. But worst case scenario, Bey will be nominated for an Emmy and/or a Golden Globe and walk the carpet come award show season.
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