We’re still mourning the loss of Jelena, The Greatest Couple of Our Time, who we could always count on to provide ample vacation butt grabs and DIY YouTube creations. Depending what you’ve read about Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez over the last four days, they’re either meeting up at New York City hotels, or not acknowledging their recent change in relationship status in public. Both already have massive careers and huge fan bases, but it’s often their personal well-being dedicated followers worry about the most. It’s not that Selena needs a man to feel complete—no matter how many One Direction songs she listens to—but for kicks, who would you want to see her with next? If Bieber’s going to be hanging out with models, we might as well speculate.
Since 20-year-old Selena has spent plenty of time with Scooter Braun over the past two years, she’s surely been introduced to the gaggle of eligible bachelors he’s currently managing. While Psy and Cody Simpson are on opposite ends of the age spectrum, The Wanted’s Jay McGuiness falls right in Selena’s sweet spot at 21. If that’s too awkward, she could take take a page from the many Hollywood starlets who’ve come before her and hook up with her Spring Breakers costar James Franco, even though he might be seeing Ashley Benson and is probably into even weirder stuff than Bieber.
How about Taylor Kitsch? She’s had experience translating for Canadians before, and he’s spent a good portion of his professional life pulling off a believable Texan drawl. We know you’re business-minded, Sel, but pay less attention to his box office returns and focus more on his muscles. Only, Kitsch starred in John Carter, which rhymes with Shawn Carter, which is the proper name of Bieber’s generous Barclays Center host. The kid really has connections everywhere.
Because Selena has a well-known circle of friends and public romantic history, even hypothetical love interests raise some questions. Would the Mounties come after Drake with the fire of a thousand Canadian geese if she were ever photographed visiting a Tim Horton’s on Drizzy’s arm? What Would Canada Do?! Eh, bring it on—it’s been too long since we’ve had a modern day Helen of Troy.
Speaking of Canadians, why not hit Bieber where it hurts and hook up with a real athlete? Specifically, one who gets paid to play the sport (ice hockey) Bieber is frequently told he excels at yet can never really fit into his busy schedule. We see you, Drew Doughty of the Kings. And we like that you at least keep a temporary residence in Los Angeles.
But enough from us. Who do you want to see Selena Gomez walk the red carpet and bring to future Wizards of Waverly Place reunions? This is how these things work; fans have the ability to impact the lives of others, just like on The X Factor. Then again, there’s always OkCupid? Ask Taylor for some tips.