Breaking news straight from the Office of Science: Katheryn Elizabeth Hudson, better known to her “KatyCats” as “Katy Perry,” an accomplished and highly entertaining live performer, has officially been classified as the first individual human rainbow known to walk the Earth. “We’re excited at the prospect of this development and look forward to working with Ms. Perry to see what this all means,” said Secretary of Energy Dr. Steven Chu. You had your moment, Roy G. Biv. It’s time to move on.
Fictional science aside, today is Katy Perry’s birthday! This extra-special square on the calendar calls for celebration, as the proud registered voter has incorporated massive amounts of color to our otherwise dreary lives. We were William H. Macy in Pleasantville and “I Kissed a Girl” transformed everything we we knew into glorious hues we’d never even dreamed of before—with confetti cannons. Over the last four years, Katy has draped herself in every shade of the color wheel, testing her hair’s strength with dye jobs and extensions and relying on materials usually found at Home Depot to construct imaginative outfits for the swankiest of Hollywood events. So as a tribute to her 28th year, let us enjoy a closer look at Katy’s eye-popping closet.
How lucky she is to be the kind of woman who looks good in every shade. We’re still not over a high school picture day feud we once had with Orange. He started it!
Happy Birthday, Katy. You’ll never be just another plastic bag.