Yeah, so Rihanna and Chris Brown may have hooked up in a club last night—an encounter that took them from the dancefloor to the bathroom, as reported by several onlookers. That’s bad news, certainly, though news so unsurprising at this point in the duo’s history that it barely even registers as news at all. Luckily for us, even if the content is discouraging, the accounting of the couple’s encounter from the New York Post is strange and funny enough that it’s worth reading about and chuckling over, as long as you don’t think about it too much:
Rihanna and ex Chris Brown ended up locked in the bathroom together at Meatpacking nightclub Griffin in the early hours of yesterday morning after dancing and making out on the dance floor. As celebs including Chris Rock and Dave Chappelle, former Giant Antonio Pierce and Tyson Beckford held court, Brown arrived with friends including rapper Bow Wow and sat at a table.
Five minutes later, Rihanna, who had been partying with pals at Catch, walked in with her friends. A source told us: “They sat two tables away from each other. Chris made his way over to Rihanna. He raised his shirt and was dancing promiscuously. Then they started dancing together and hugging and kissing in front of everyone.” Then, observers saw them go into the bathroom together, and when RiRi emerged, “She seemed a little ruffled” a source said.
We’re not sure which of these mental images from this ludicrously worded article is the funniest:
1. A council of Chris Rock, Dave Chappelle, Antonio Pierce (AP!!) and Tyson Beckford “holding court” over a nightclub in the Meatpacking district. “All in favor of another shot of Patron?” “AYE!”
2. Chris Brown’s mating dance of “rais[ing] his shirt” and “dancing promiscuously.” What, like a peacock? Do pop stars normally go for that sort of thing? (“Dancing Promiscuously” sounds like a fantastic name for some sort of New York one-woman performance-art piece, by the way.)
3. Rihanna seeming “a little ruffled” after her bathroom sojourn. Was she like Selma Blair after her introductory sexual experience with Ryan Philippe in Cruel Intentions—hair all messy, zombie-like facial expression? Can we get court stenographer illustrations of all of these please?
From now on, we refuse to read anyone but the NY Post reporting on the Rihanna/Chris Brown relationship. I mean, just look at that headline: “RiRi, Chris in loo liason.” Clearly, this newspaper was founded for the express purpose of covering this couple.