It’s been some time since we last brought you a horrifying excuse for new music from a saddened reality star, suggesting that the world had somehow become a more uplifting place, or at least one where talentless fame whores can’t be rewarded for their shameless acts. Wrong! Well, it was fun while it lasted.
Our far too brief respite from the perils of pseud0celebrity musicality has been cut short—be honest, you were getting tired of listening to Frank Ocean—as Farrah Abraham of MTV’s Teen Mom fame has released her debut “single” entitled, “Finally Getting up From Rock Bottom.” At least she’s self-aware! It’s awful, of course, and yet Farrah’s musical endeavor is right on schedule with her upcoming memoir, recent tabloid admissions of drug addiction and suicidal thoughts, and some sort of “modeling” career reportedly n the horizon. Move over Countess, Courtney, and Michaele Salahai; this song, if that’s what the group of delusional people have chosen to call it, is entirely more terrible than if Simon van Kempen and Courtney Stodden’s “Don’t Put It On Me” puppy mated, thus creating a disgusting super-species permanently clad in leather pants and pink highlights. Hasn’t she been through enough?
With so much autotune, every lyric becomes indistinguishable from the next, leading us to believe this is truly just the blank canvas for Farrah’s fans to write their own anthems of survival in support of the “star”—or something. (We’re reaching.) Rebecca Black can win all the Grammy Awards from here on out, so long as human beings never have to pretend that this is something even close to resembling talent, or production money well spent. Because the Internet police are trying to stop this thing from spreading, as much as contraceptives wish they could have protected Farrah’s genes from doing the same, you’ll need to listen to the song here. Enjoy.