Song lyrics aren’t always born from truths, despite how much we might want them to be. Earlier this year Ice Cube put the kibosh on those meticulously trying to pinpoint the exact day referenced in his song “It Was a Good Day” by saying it was a “fictional song,” while Miley Cyrus infamously revealed that just because the patriotic party girl version of herself is requesting Hov all day, every day, doesn’t mean she’s ever listened to a Jay-Z song. (We hope that’s changed.)
Today’s biggest lyrical contradiction comes from Our Girl Carly Rae Jepsen, who recently told the Associated Press that despite what her song suggests, she has never passed her digits to a boy, batted her eyelashes, and coquettishly asked him to phone her at an unspecified time in the future. “I’ve done brave things for love before or for the possibility of the idea of love, but I’ve never quite done that,” Jepsen explained. Blasphemy! But it’s so easy, even tiny Justin Bieber fans are doing it.We feel cheated, CRJ. What about all those people—these people—who look to your lyrics as an instructional guide to 21st century dating? Are all the relationships that have bloomed since the “Call Me Maybe” boom shams? Of course not, but if and when Jepsen’s song—and a few drinks—suddenly gives you the courage to approach a handsome stranger, engage in effortless banter, and leave only your number behind, know that you’re braver than a soul who auditioned for a Canadian reality show.
Sadly, don’t expect at last-ditch attempt from Our Girl to connect with her fans on a lyrical level; it’s too late now. “I’m pretty sure now that I never can because that would be really, really awkward,” she added. Given all the covers and reimagined versions of “Call Me Maybe” popping up across the world, we’re sure someone out there would find it endearing instead of heavily narcissistic; everyone has their lobster. Using your own song lyric as a pick-up line might be gauche, but it’s certainly better than the material Chris Brown is working with.