Attention, Indonesia: 17 More Vulgar Offenses From Lady Gaga’s Career Than Singing In Underwear
Posted by Newson 05/16/2012 at 1:26 PM
Indonesia has been de-monsterized. One of Lady Gaga’s scheduled Born This Way tour dates, on June 3 in capital Jakarta, might not happen, as she was turned down for a permit thanks in part to religious protests over her skimpy costumes and dance moves.
“She’s a vulgar singer who wears only panties and a bra when she sings and she stated she is the envoy of the devil’s child and that she will spread satanic teaching.” – religious leader Salim Alatas, quoted in Reuters
We’re not out to judge people’s religious beliefs, but something must be said: skimpy costumes and dance moves are two fundamental building blocks of pop! It’d be like stripping someone’s biology of half the amino acids–the person who’d remain would be diminished and sad and also probably dead. Besides, dinging Gaga on her stage show is easy. Lots of people wear only panties and bras when they sing, and some of them do it in contexts other than in front of the bedroom mirror with a hairbrush. If you’re going to take offense to Gaga’s schtick, might as well make yourself deeply familiar with the vulgarity you’re offended by. (That’s how it works, right?) So because we deal in this sort of thing, we’re here to help. If you must ban a Lady Gaga show, do it right and cite some of these 17 offenses more shocking than mere underthings.
1. She murders people! It’s still murder if he had it coming. She also smokes in bed!
2. She engages in public bloodletting! While wearing a bra and panties on stage. It’s vulgarity squared.
3. She spends lots of time posing for almost X-rated magazine covers! Again: bra and panties = not sufficiently offensive.
4. She also spends lots of time thinking up actually X-rated metaphors! Like this quote, on a certain “LoveGame” lyric: “It’s one of my very thoughtful metaphors for a cock.”
5. She uses rosary beads for secular purposes! Also, for sexual purposes.
6. She wastes food! OK, puts it into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. It’s vulgar in spirit.
7. She chews with her mouth open! While wasting even more food. It’s an environmental disaster just waiting to happen.
8. She seduces innocent men into doing stripteases! Don’t try to tell us Jo Calderone would’ve done this on his own accord.
9. She does whatever she’s doing here! We’re not quite sure what this is, but it looks pretty vulgar.
10. She reveals people’s intimate personal secrets on stage in front of millions! Indonesia has secrets, right? Is this a risk people really want to take?
11. She wears merkins on the outside! It’s like wearing your shirt inside-out, you know? Faux pas.
12. She recorded the song “Teeth”! In which she’s not only kinky or whatever but actually comes out and says “got no salvation / got no religion.”
13. She buys lousy bras! Support is critical.
14. She chews her hair! Is this really a habit to encourage in impressionable kids?
15. She randomly shouts about prostitutes! Loudly; frequently.
16. She engages in bestiality! This is pretty close to a universal taboo, right? How much more vulgar can Gaga even get?
17. She shows blatant disregard for the sanctity of life! Also: probably started all those Beyonce fake-pregnancy rumors. And we’re done. Nothing could possibly be more depraved than this.
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