Where Are You, Internet? There Was A Cardboard Biggie At Coachella
Posted by Newson 04/22/2012 at 3:01 PM
Tupac got a hologram. He’s still got a hologram, too. Biggie gets a cardboard cutout. Some feuds never die.
OK, that’s unfair. The Black Lips aren’t really at a tier where they can spend $100K on hologram technology to get noticed. Their tier’s more suited to easy,headline-baiting gimmickry like last week’s gratuitous nudity. You can’t really blame them; Coachella and similar festivals are so overstuffed with artists, all reasonably good and all competing for timeslots and blog attention, that if you’ve got to play dong guitar to get attention outside your fanbase, so be it. But that sort of gimmick only works once. You need something new and exciting for the second week. And what’s more exciting than producing Biggie to last week’s Tupac? It’s symmetry. It’s perfect. It’s awesome.
Actually, no. It’s only almost awesome. Why? Because of this:
According to reports, the group had the cut-out dancing around to “Hypnotize.”
According to reports? ACCORDING TO REPORTS??? You’ve got untold thousands of kids running around the desert with cameras and camera phones, on every sort of high imaginable and with no other entertainment, and not one person thought this worth filming or sharing with the world/
I am impatient and have a headache, and the only cure for my headache is a cut-out Biggie dancing around to “Hypnotize.” I’d even settle for a @CardboardBiggie account. Yes,this is really selfish and just as bad as everyone wanting cheap nostalgia trips from holograms. Yes, there’s a real risk that the video’s going to be a cheap joke with hip-hop as the punchline. I don’t care. You’ve let me down, Internet. Me and the world.
UPDATE: There is a @CardboardBiggie account. My work on this earth is complete.
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