Break out the party hats and streamers, everybody—in case you haven’t heard, Justin Bieber turns 18 today. Yes, yes, get all your creepy, lecherous remarks out of the way now, because you’ve got more important business to take care of—you haven’t even gotten him a birthday gift, have you? With most of your 18-year-old friends you can probably afford to get a last-second gift certificate to Sam Goody or wherever it is the kids are shopping these days, but needless to say, The Bieb is not your average 18-year-old—when you have enough money to declare war on a medium-sized country (and win), you tend to acquire a taste for the finer things.
While other devoted fans are out to get him a Guinness World Record for his 18th, we here at Popdust are much more materialistic. So in roughly ascending order of price—mild acquaintances and friends of the family should shop towards the top, while Selena and Scooter should probably be looking closer to the bottom—here’s our guide for what to get the 18-year-old pop star who has everything.
NEAL PEART DW RE-ISSUE R30 DRUM KIT
Bieber has long been prodigious on the skins, and for every aspiring drummer—especially for those North of the Border—the holy grail of drum kits is the set belonging to Rush percussionist Neal Peart, of whose r30 drum kit there are only 30 of in the known realm. Good luck trying to get a wink of sleep with Justin in the basement banging on these bad boys, Mrs. B.
Estimated Price: $30,000
JAY-Z AND KANYE WEST’S MAYBACH
The custom-made Daimler AG vehicle from the video for the duo’s “Otis“—which, Beliebers will of course remember, Justin once memorably freestyled (cough, cough) over—goes on sale March 8 at New York auction house Phillips de Pury & Co. What was originally purchased for $375,000 has decreased in value over time, thanks in part to the rubber-burning and fire shooting that was seen on screen. (Aziz Ansari not included. Or potentially included, but it will cost you.)
Estimated price: $100-150,000
DINOSAUR BONE-ENCRUSTED iPAD
What are the two things that 18-year-old males love more than anything? That’s right—tech gadgets and dinosaurs. We’re sure that The Bieb already has himself an iPad, and he probably has him a Stegosaurus in storage somewhere, but why not drop a couple stacks on the one known item that combines the two—a T. Rex bone-encrusted gold iPad 2. It’s the only way Justin will be able to push himself through all of The Grapes of Wrath for senior English while on tour.
Estimated price: $8 million
Michael Jackson’s sprawling California estate is currently in the hands of Sycamore Valley Ranch Company, LLC, but we’re sure that the fairytale palace can be pried away from their hands for the right price—and really, what would Bieber love more than to officially inherit the kingdom of the late King of Pop? In the words of Prop Joe: Act the part, be the part—though maybe not the whole part, in MJ’s case.
Estimated price: Forbes rated it at $120 million back in 2004, though with MJ’s death and inflation and the real estate market, you might have to make a couple calls about that exact number before cutting the check.
THE TORONTO MAPLE LEAFS
What Canadian kid doesn’t grow up wanting to own a professional hockey team? (OK, some might just want to play for one, but Justin always did dream big.) A majority stake in the team was recently sold to Rogers and Bell Canada in December, but there’s always room for a better offer, particularly if it comes from a real fan.
Estimated price: $1.33 billion.
Happy 18th, Justin.