THE HAPLESS: 16-13
16. Randy Jackson: Anyone noticing his habit of commenting mid-performance? Punctuating every note and rest with applause? It kills the suspense, right? Is this some kind of producer deal, where for every cheer he forfeits one word of critique? Randy, you leave us with so many questions.
15. Theology: If you ever felt the urge to repent during tonight’s episode, it could be because the phrase “The Final Judgment” was uttered no fewer than eleven times. Or because you looked at Steven’s full moon a pinch too long.
14. Ryan Seacrest: Comment during show: “I just think Ryan’s so nice.” Yep. So nice, and so inobtrusive.
13. Jeremy Rosado: Is “transcendental,” according to J. Lo. Transcendentalists: Emerson. Thoreau. Jeremy Rosado. Richard Marx, judging by what he does to “Angel.” But don’t listen to us; listen to Ryan, who explained to the world how Jeremy has become a star. Brook Farm never saw such so brilliant–well, at least not since the place got torched.
For Shannon’s worst things ever, which do not include man tears, click NEXT.