Adele’s ex-boyfriend is indirectly responsible for SAVING THE RECORD INDUSTRY*. He’s directly responsible for some legal eeesh. He may or may not be two ex-boyfriends responsible for two separate breakup albums, and one of these exes may or may not be named Slinky Sunbeam.** And combined, he’s directly and indirectly responsible for more scorn and revenge than anyone you’ve ever dated.
See, though, that’s just one side of the story. The other side of the story, apparently, is being told as you read this by one of the better parody Twitters of late–started on Valentine’s Day, even! Well, what’s probably Valentine’s over in England. Apparently, Adele is both overly cheeky and overly gross. (If you’re reluctant to click, it’s fairly light on the offensive jokes.) For instance:
“For some reason Adele was vehemently against the month of May. She acted like it didn’t exist. So for example, May 15th = April 45th & so on.” (This would mean “Rolling in the Deep” actually hit No. 1 on April 51.)
“Every time we were about to have sex, Adele would say “Dude, you’re getting Adele,” and then crack up.” (Are you named Adele? Great! Are you considering doing this, but are a bit too horrified/mystified to even consider it? Yeeaaaah.)
“Adele always carried 12 cans of Silly String in her purse, because as she put it: ‘Always wanted to be ready.’” (Except, no. Sorry, Adele’s fake ex. This is not a reason to break up with someone. This is a reason to never break up with someone.)
*no, not really