Betting on the Grammys this year essentially comes down to betting on Adele winning everything or being snubbed. There are other possible bets, most involving Bon Iver or Skrillex, but it’s Adele’s game for people to win or lose money on. You might have noticed how inevitable this seems, and to be honest, how boring. That’s why we don’t do straight odds at Popdust. We do prop bets. We’ve done them for the VMAs, for Idol, and now for the Grammys. So when you’re sitting by the TV, Rolling in the Dip in front of you and drink in hand, print out this list and keep it handy. We promise only a few of them mention Adele.
(Obligatory reminder: Popdust doesn’t endorse gambling, overdrinking or eating all the Rolling in the Dip oneself; if you’re under 18, just use Monopoly money, etc. Cool? Cool.)
How many hand gestures will Adele’s grand comeback performance incorporate?
Over 8: -200
Under 8: +200
What will Adele’s grand comeback performance even be?
“Rolling in the Deep”: -250
“Someone Like You”: -0
“Set Fire to the Rain”: +50
“Rumour Has It”: +250
Anything off 19: +500
Someone else’s song: +1000
A vocalise over “Scary Monsters and Nice Sprites”: +5000
How many “rolling in the…” puns will people make?
Over 4: +500
Under 4: -300
How many times will Bon Iver’s name be mispronounced?
Over 3: +200
Under 3: -100
How many times will the word “dubstep” be uttered?
Over 5: +500
Under 5: -100
How many separate times will her victories stun Taylor Swift?
Over 2: +200
Under 2: -100
How soon into the broadcast will LL Cool J plug NCIS: LA?
Before one hour: +250
After one hour: +500
Who will have bigger hair?
Bruno Mars: +500
Who will get the first “Who The Fuck Is ______” Tumblr blog?
Bon Iver: -250
The Civil Wars: +100
Mumford and Sons: +250
Tony Bennett: +5000
Those Guys Performing With Foster The People And Maroon 5: +10,000 and a voucher for free alcohol of your choice to comfort yourself
Whose outfit (or something really similar) will land on Pinterest and/or fashion blogs first?
Nicki Minaj: -500
Katy Perry: -250
Taylor Swift: -100
Bruno Mars: 0
Tony Bennett: +100
Jack Black: +1000
Who will be the most flamboyantly dressed?
Cee-Lo Green: -500
Nicki Minaj: -200
Katy Perry: 0
Bruno Mars: +500
Bon Iver: +2000
Who will cry first during the Etta James tribute?
Alicia Keys: -50
Lady Gaga: +100
LL Cool J: +200
Bruce Springsteen: +500 and mandatory manly/womanly tears right alongside him
Who will make the first awkward political endorsement?
Bruce Springsteen: -200
LL Cool J: 0
Dave Grohl: +50
Taylor Swift: +250
Justin Vernon: +500
Katy Perry: +1000
Which presenter will be the most awkward in general?
?uestlove: -5000 for even having the stones to pick this
Gwyneth Paltrow: -500
Marc Anthony: -200
Jack Black: 0
Diana Ross: +50
Ringo Starr: +250
Who will be most visibly embarrassed to be part of the special tribute-to-electronica clusterfuck?
Any Foo Fighter: -500
Chris Brown: -200
David Guetta: 0
Lil Wayne: +500
When, and how, will Justin Vernon throw a righteous tantrum?
He’ll be a good little Bon Iver and do nothing: -100, and you might not exactly understand what prop bets are about
In an interview, after the fact: -50
Live, but just on Twitter: 0
Live, during the Beach Boys/Foster the People/Maroon 5 teamup: +50
Live, when Bon Iver gets shut out for everything: +100
Live, when Skrillex wins something: +200
Live, anything, plus a Kanye West stage-storm: +5000
Live, anything plus actual violence, arson or beard-rending: +100,000, and you will forever have something to lord over your friends and enemies who think they’re too cool for the Grammys
What will shoot out of Katy Perry’s chest if and when she performs “Firework”?
She’ll do a very sedate, serious Grammys rendition: -500, and you’re being boring
Sparks, like the video: -200
Whipped cream, like the other video: +200
Divorce papers: +500
A duet partner will (with SFX help) spring forth, like Athena: +1000
That, plus the duet partner is actually Russell Brand: +5000
Who will lead the Don Cornelius Soul Train?
There won’t be one: -500
LL Cool J: 0
Chris Brown: +200
Nicki Minaj: +500
Will the Grammys acknowledge last year’s supposed-to-be-breakout Esperanza Spalding at all?
Will John Stamos make an appearance during the Beach Boys thing?
Will Rihanna and Chris Brown acknowledge each other’s existence?
Yes, Chris Brown will, obnoxiously: -200
Yes, Rihanna will: +100
Yes, Chris Brown will, graciously: +200
There’ll be a grand reunion on stage: +500 and a lifetime supply of barf bags
Will Loud win anything?
Yes, anything: +100
Yes, including Album of the Year: +1000 and instant freakoutery from everyone
Will anyone find a way to mention Lana Del Rey?
Yes: +500, and get yourself a PBR on ice
At the end of the night, who will be most snubbed?
Bruno Mars: -250
Kanye West: -100
Bon Iver: +500