The Ultimate “American Idol” Power Rankings: Portland Auditions
In which American Idol took the trail to Portland, Oregon with choleric recappers behind it (a joke the show did not make); in which no birds were conspicuously put on anything (we checked; the show didn’t make that joke either); in which everyone was named a derivative of Brittany and every male voice was either falsetto or basso, in which the producers did indeed manage to get somefone to utter the word “hipster,” in which the post-production team made a typo and in which, somehow, nothing pissed us off more than it could have.
(Oh, and a logistical note before anyone else mentions it: Yes, we’ve seen the alleged top 24 list. We choose to disregard it, because there’s always a chance one hopeful will spontaneously contract a prior record label or go on a guns-and-streaking spree. Even if they don’t, you can’t trust everything that washes up on the Internet. And even if you can trust this bit o’ news, believing it would make recapping very boring, and we’re pretty sure 50% of the girls had a variation on the same name.)
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