Damn You, Sarah Jaxheimer!
Posted by Newson 01/17/2012 at 11:44 AM
Taylor Swift recently sat down for an exceptionally detailed (read: long) profile in Vogue Magazine, complete with a photo spread proclaiming how the “country-pop sensation embraces a new look.” You can read a bullet-pointed summary of the article, and all the famous names that Taylor drops within, over at Vulture, but we’re interested in one specific, less-famous name from the article: Sarah Jaxheimer. Taylor isolates the name during a discussion with the interviewer about how she, surprise surprise, was not so cool in middle school, compared to some other girls whose names she won’t (or will) mention. The passage reads:
“All of my favorite people—people I really trust—none of them were cool in their younger years,” she says. “Because if you know how to be cool in middle school, maybe you have skills you shouldn’t. Maybe you know how to be conniving, like, naturally.” She laughs. “There’s always that seventh-grade girl who looks like she’s 25. And you’re like, How do you do it? How do you do it, Sarah Jaxheimer?” She lets out a comically ear-piercing shriek: “Why is your hair always so shiny?!”
Yeah, really, Sarah Jaxheimer—what the fuck? Well, S-Jax (no Stephen Jackson) is about to become a lot more famous for her pre-mature adulthood than she ever anticipated. Later in the paragraph, reporter Jonathan Van Meter mentions Googling Jaxheimer, “and sure enough, she has perfect, lustrous Jennifer Aniston hair.” Vulture did similarly, and found a Pledge Class profile of S-Jax from her Phi Mu sorority (likely at Miami University). From it, we learn that Jaxheimer is a “junior Strategic Communication major and management minor” from “Wyomissing, PA (outside Philly)” and that she “love[s] shopping, and hanging out with my wonderful friends.”
Now, we certainly don’t encourage any kind of cyber bullying of Miss Jaxheimer—we just want to promote cyber awareness. This girl was clearly a rival or benchmark of some sort for Taylor in high school, and now that she has been namedropped in a T-Swizzle profile, she clearly deserves to be Internet Famous. So be sure to read up on our girl, and if you see her in your day-to-day travails at Miami University, give her a little gentle ribbing. Also, for any indie bands starting up out of Wyomissing in the near future—How Do You Do It, Sarah Jaxheimer? is a great title for a debut EP.
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