No need to refresh, you have the correct URL. There’s been a lot of Tim Tebow here of late, but only because he’s proven himself to be the messiah, as well as an eligible bachelor in the mind of certain pop stars’ parents. HollywoodLife reports—so, huge grain of salt here—that Mrs. and Mrs. Hudson have their eye on the Broncos quarterback for their newly single daughter. If Russell Brand’s former wild ways and British accent were too much for the deviled egg-hating Hudsons, Tebow just might be the man of their dreams. According to the report, Katy’s expressed interest in Tebow before, and her parents are smitten with his good Christian values. So much so, that they’re trying to arrange a visit to their church in Huntington Beach, Calif. when Katy next visits. After the Super Bowl, mom. While this has “PR stunt” or “utter crap” written all over it, sports figures and pop star relations do have a running history: Mariah Carey dated Yankees shortstop Derek Jeter, one of New York’s most eligible bachelors, following her divorce from Tommy Mottola, and NHL players have proven to be the athlete of choice for blond singers in the aughts. If only Perry had chosen Number 15 for her “The One That Got Away” remix! She’d definitely have her seventh No. 1 by now.
But more importantly, what will their kids look like? We hear Mama and Papa Hudson can’t stand the shame that ugly grandkids bring their local megachurch. Thankfully, someone’s already done the work on a granchild prospectus! While so hilarious, the report is unconfirmed, leaving us to believe this is all just a
spooky Mormon hell dream Christian pipe dream—unless Perry’s sudden cancellation on the People’s Choice Awards had anything to do with her flying out to Mile High. Yet we can’t resist imagining the possibilities of two of God’s greatest children getting together. As previously mentioned, Timmy has a big day coming up on Saturday. Here’s our selection of Katy Perry songs he can use to prepare for what could be an epic battle against the New England Patriots in Foxborough:
Tim Tebow’s Patriot-Crushing Katy Perry Playlist
“Who Am I Living For?”
The obvious choice. Off Teenage Dream, this song allows Tebow to use his all too familiar “Lord and Savior Jesus Christ” answer at least eight times in four minutes.
“The One That Got Away”
While Perry has the lingering memories of a former boyfriend (and now a soon to be ex-husband), Tebow will always have that 2008 Capital One Bowl loss haunting him.
“Hot N Cold”
A definitive of his relationship with former Broncos quarterback and current Executive Vice President of Football Operations, John Elway, who refuses to let him feel confident in his job as a starter next year.
What he uses to help better understand heathens each time he goes on a mission to the Philippines.
“Waking Up In Vegas”
With the vast number of fans who’ve bet against him this season, and the number of professional gamblers he’s ridden penniless with his unprecedented performances, consider Perry’s Sin City track a minor scolding to all who succumb to greed and temptation.
Wait, Tim Tebow is playing Tom Brady and the New England Patriots for a chance at the AFC Championship game? We must still be sleeping.