Posted by Katherine St Asaph on 12/19/2011 at 8:28 AM Videos

The Popdust Files: Commercials, justin bieber, perfume, swag

What is the meaning of the holiday season? It’s a question debated for centuries. It’s started wars and cultural wars. Good thing noted pop-culture pundit Justin Bieber is here to, set the world straight, then! Quoth the Bieb: “It’s a time to chill, and it’s a time to prevent LHS.”

But what is LHS? LHS is defined as “lame holiday swag” and further defined as “the perpetual state of uncoolness you’ll experience over the holiday season if you don’t buy Justin Bieber’s perfume Someday. You can browse eBay and ending up with a Bieb-emblazoned $1 bill, a singing Justin Bieber toothbrush (presumably not yet updated with his Draked-out career direction) or any number of cardboard cutouts–no links; we are Popdust, not Regretsy–but all these are poor, swag-free substitutes for the real thing.

But is LHS a real thing? Does that exist? Just for girls, apparently. Bieber identifies the symptoms: “a lame face, dry mouth, even hysteria caused by uncool swag,” all of which are presumably cured by Bieber’s perfume. In other words, using Someday will instantly give you the effects of plastic surgery, heavy makeup or retouching (hmmmm), induce saliva (maybe if you drink it? Please don’t drink perfume.) and cure hysteria (please don’t think too much about that one.) But hey, you can trust Bieber. He’s sitting in front of scrolls and screens like a doctor on TV. He knows the ways of Someday and of swag. And when the holiday blues are set in, and not even cookies and spiced coffee and walking around downtown looking at the lights will help your swag deficit, you know where to turn.