Posted by Katherine St Asaph and Samantha Martin on 12/08/2011 at 12:53 PM News

The Popdust Files: the x factor, tv recaps, x-factor

The X Factor took us to the land of dance classics last night, a wondrous fantasyland where “Someone Like You” is our era’s premier dance banger and where contestants can sing Chaka Khan without fading into smoke and thin notes and the shadow of the greats. They were next supposed to take us into the land of the Pepsi Challenge, a fantasyland of which the world has no details thanks to BIG CRISES.

Fortunately for X Factor watchers–not to mention people like us who write about it–that crisis didn’t preclude anyone from singing, although it did keep them pretty ensconced in standards. That doesn’t mean we won’t have words for it, as well as everyone else on the show. Read on to see how the top 5 fare as the finals loom close!

X FACTOR POWER RANKINGS: Top 5
	20.The True Theme: The true theme of the evening was “an error in communication.” There was an error in communicating the meaning of “Dance Hits,” hence Adele’s “Someone Like You” was fair game. There was an error in communicating the Pepsi Challenge, hence the failure of the Pepsi Challenge. Finally, there was error in communicating the meaning of “an error in communication.”
	19.X-ecutive Producer Andrew Llinares: We don’t care if you look like Alexander Skarsgård and talk like James Bond. You were our one shot at understanding the “error in communication,” and you didn’t deliver the news until 7:01 p.m. Did your Handsome Lessons run over?
	18.Steve Jones: To the audience, about their Twitter-prating on: “Give it your best shot, America! We love it. We really can’t get enough.” Explanation: we’re in the Matrix; your tweets power Steve’s silicon innards and keep him from delivering error messages.
	17.Twitter: #Glovesareoff was easily the most misunderstood and misused hashtag we’ve seen so far (and better suited for Michael Jackson week, no?) Idiomatically/technically speaking, “gloves are off” signifies more physical pain caused by bare fists. The halftime example Steve selected urged Paula to keep a glove on with which to punch Simon. We’re certain there’s a “My hands are cold. #glovesareoff” tweet out there somewhere.
	16.Nicole Scherzinger: Spent the night in one of two modes: the seriously dramatic cause of judge rabble, or dramatically serious like the most poker-faced player at the Yahtzee table.
	15.Rachel Crow: Note this post-song quote: “Hollywood is circling the wagons.” Hollywood–not a record label, not a label exec, but the land of acting and TV and Intensity. I wish I could say that’s a bad thing, but honestly, Rachel’s voice just sounded tired on both songs (Michael Jackson’s “Music and Me” and B.o.B’s heavily bowdlerized “Nothin’ on You,” which is apparently inherently hetero), in the exact way a 13-year-old’s voice would after wrestling weeks of bigger divas than her.
	14.Chris Rene: Dear Mr. Reid: We have delivered your replacement Astro successfully and have included the “writes his own verses!” and “it’s great that America can support an artist like this on a singing competition!” components you requested. Please see the enclosed materials for details on the glitch where he turns into John Mayer.
	13.L.A. Reid: Has done one of two things: gotten lackadaisical in his crit and too rea-Scherzing in his blowing kisses, or gotten shrewd by not badmouthing contestants that he might want to sign in a few weeks. Only one of these options is in character.
	12.Short-Haired Backup Dancer: Out of a crowd of slam-dancing silhouettes, this pixie in particular flirt-danced with Marcus during his first song so hard that we wonder whether Simon planted her as a distraction.
	11.Nicole’s Dress: One swan head away from Bjorking it.

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