Posted by Katherine St Asaph on 11/28/2011 at 3:45 PM Videos

The Popdust Files: jennifer lopez, spoiler alert, video previews, will.i.am

With increasing frequency, artists are taking to social networks and premiering frustratingly brief teaser clips from their upcoming videos. These are usually between zero and 45 seconds in length and tend to do two things: leave you wanting more video, and leave you wanting fewer teasers. We can’t address the latter. What we can do, however, is help with the former, so, based solely on the preview, Popdust will miraculously predict what transpires in the unseen full-length video.

Today’s video teaser: will.i.am.’s “T.H.E. (The Hardest Ever).

Run-length: 22 seconds

Summary: This either aired on Ellen DeGeneres’ show, or will.i.am is shittin’ on y’all with the product placement via that “ellen” logo. (It’s plausible, is all.) First, will.i.am runs toward and SMASHES THROUGH A STONE WALL. This act bestows a bicycle upon him, which he uses to LEAP OVER A TUMBLEWEED CRATE. The capital letters are ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY.

What could come next: This is all a preview for will.i.am’s yet-to-be-announced video game, will.i.am in: #willpower (the game will also be a hashtag.) In this game, you will progress from the beginning to progressively next-level shit, culminating in the final level, The Hardest Ever. The rest of the video will be a trailer, of sorts. will.i.am, first running, then on a bike, then on a motorcycle, then on a car and on a boat (ON A BOAT!) then double-decker bus, then spaceship, then Death Star, must leap over, smash through or otherwise dispatch/pulverize obstacles like boulders, collapsing buildings, the other members of the Black Eyed Peas and the record industry as we know it. In other words, the BEP video game that could have been. It says a lot about will.i.am’s general merchandising strategy that this is the most plausible Spoiler Alert we’ve ever written.