OK, people, it’s 5:30 p.m. We’re not going to rewrite this post except to recap the following sequence of U.S. release dates for Nicole Scherzinger’s Killer Love: August 16 => Nov. 15 => “early December” => 2012. If you count Her Name Is Nicole, that’s a six-year time span from when she started working on her Stateside debut. You now feel: a) completely unsurprised, b) full of mock shock; c) full of schadenfreude; d) absolutely nothing.
Look. We’ve come around to Scherzinger, at least on The X Factor, and while her singles haven’t been spectacular, they’re not all embarrassing, and she does have talent. More than that: most people who really, really hate Nicole, dislike her either because they say she’s “trying too hard” (a nothing criticism that can be leveled at pretty much anything you don’t like.) or because they’re still uneasy about the Pussycat Dolls as imagined entirely through “Don’t Cha” and “Buttons.” (If “I Hate This Part” and “Hush” were released by anyone else, nobody would snark.) So we’re going to offer two pieces of advice here.
For Nicole: Realize that you’re more or less in Christina Aguilera’s position after Bionic. The best thing you can do right now is accept that anyone who wants to hear Killer Love has (optimistically) mail-ordered it from abroad or Amazon, or (more likely) torrented or YouTubed it. Go X Factor-only, and do what you’ve been doing: be in on the joke, snipe back when Simon snipes, and mentor your contestants decently. Then, once the show’s over, hop on the equivalent of “Moves Like Jagger” and ride the synergy. We’re not saying this is a guarantee, but it worked for Christina and got her to No. 1.
And for you, the readers? Go start #ThingsDelayedMoreThanKillerLove on Twitter. Just… do it. We’ll start.