Posted by Katherine St Asaph and Samantha Martin on 10/07/2011 at 12:33 PM Exclusive, News

The Popdust Files: Recap, the x factor, x-factor

We have a top 32! Granted, we got to that point after a few more excruciating group auditions, bizarre omissions (Audrey Turner, you deserve a long, fruitful career managed by people who appreciate your talent) and the even more bizarre choice of cobbling together assorted rejected contestants into groups so arbitrary the producers didn’t even tell us which named contestants went where, or what they’d call themselves, what’d they sing or how they’d justify their sudden collective existence. Couldn’t some actual groups get those spots?

But enough about the terrible first half-hour. Once the contestants got to sing on their own, also known as what they auditioned for this show to do, things became solid again, even if we must question maybe a third of the judges’ specially chosen songs. (You mean the judging panel wants to hear “If I Ain’t Got You” again?) Most of these solo singers will be singing solo again. Some will not. Read on as we rank the top 32 (named, that is; if the judges aren’t going to bother identifying the instagroups, neither are we), some of the more interesting or outrageous omissions (like Audrey Turner), the judges, and the likes of…

X FACTOR POWER RANKING: Boot Camp, Night 2
	50.The Unseen Music Director: Simon’s huge hissy fit (“I’m hating this!”) was the “silly and weird” musical arrangements. The MD’s cowardice prevented any camera time. We wish the same could be said for…
	49.Siameze Floyd: Remember that wonderful bit with Stacy Francis’ severely lengthened note? Wasn’t that amazing? Now imagine that as a squeal. This guy used to be in our top 10!
	48.Chris Rene: Every season has its Chris Richardson: a guy with a voice droopy as new grass that loses about a tenth of its power per episode he’s kept around. Chris Rene is that man, down to name and initials. His Marvin Gaye was off-key, his Sting and soundbites both strained, but he’s still here. And will continue to be, we fear.
	47.Backstage Crew Member With Megaphone: She’s back! Same diction problem. Same attitude problem. Only this time, she had to read out names. Think of the dreams her poor pronunciation might have temporarily squashed. It’s sickening, for sure….
	46.4Shore: If only there were more groups, both to quash the rummage-bin approach to filling that category and to rescue 4Shore’s frontman from his backup singers, whose harmonies have the texture of wilted spinach.
	45.Makenna and Brock: Doomed once they sang “Billie Jean.” Oh, Brock. Don’t go around breaking young girls’ hearts–your showmance and relevance depends on it! (Oh, and anyone who wanted to take us up on our implied “Falling Slowly” bet–we meant career-long. Give them a year.
	44.Head Adornments: We didn’t think it could get any worse than last night’s 41 pieces of headwear. But with 6 knit caps + 7 fedoras + 6 newsboy caps + 1 scarf hat + 7 flowers (4 of them Rachel Crow’s) + 1 red garland and 1 black sun hat (both of them Simone Battle’s) + 3 bandanas + 3 fake glasses + 9 sunglasses, we have 44 in total and, therefore, in rank.
	43.Reject Freight Elevator: We hope the elevator music that awaited the rejected contestants was more appropriate than some of the selections in the….
	42.Background Soundtrack: An instrumental ukelele version of Adele’s “Someone Like You,” a ballad about a scorned and jealous lover, played after Stacy Francis revealed her father had just passed away. Enough said. (Also, bring back O-Town’s epic key changes.)
	41.Tear Ducts: Ranked 41st to represent the 41 instances of waterworks. And only 4 had the dramatic dexterity to fall to their knees.

For judges and their pets, groups and their doppelgangers, and a boat, click NEXT.