The chances of Lindsay Lohan winning a defamation lawsuit are roughly the same as the chances of Lindsay Lohan having a sudden career appraisal right now. (Disagree? Come back when you’ve researched legal precedent about public figures.) And when the subject of said lawsuit is the phrase “got it locked up like Lindsay Lohan” from Pitbull et al’s “Give Me Everything,” the chances of Lindsay Lohan winning a defamation lawsuit are oh my god this is so trivial why is this even a news story what is wrong with everyone.
OK, Pitbull’s response wasn’t quite that. It was more “you got me wrong! Honest!” Observe:
“[The lyric] is ‘Hustlers move in silence, so I’m tip-toeing/ So keep blowing, got it locked up like Lindsay Lohan,’ ” Pitbull continued. “When I say I got it locked up, if you’re from the neighborhood, when they say, ‘You got it locked up’ that means you run that area.”
Meaning of “locked up” aside, this is kind of like saying “If You Seek Amy” is actually the story about a girl named Amy who must be sought. We will give Pitbull a ton of credit for being right elsewhere: “For me, mentioning it on a number one record around the world, I thought it would be helping someone’s career, and keeping them relevant. We mention people’s names all the time; when it comes to rapping, it’s always about double meanings and metaphors and how you flip certain things.”
But then, most people are probably going to make way too much about the part where he says “hopefully she can come with me to the VMAs,” which means precisely nothing. Yay. Wait until Sunday, folks, for the stunning revelation.