Mariah Carey’s Home Shopping Network Ravings, In Verse
Posted by Newson 07/26/2011 at 2:28 PM
Mariah Carey has been responsible for a handful of the great love songs of modern pop music—dizzying pop odes to romantic delirium like “Dreamlover” and “Fantasy,” and haunting torch ballads like “My All” and “We Belong Together.” But, as it turns out, she saves her most effusive love language for her hoop earrings and suede drawstring bags. Rich Juzwiak of fourfour pasted together a supercut of her recent eight-hour stint on the Home Shopping Network, with every instance of her using the word “love”—which is quite a number, as it turns out.
The more we watched the video, though, we realized there was more to the video than just an overly emotional pop star in desperate need of a thesaurus. We realized there was a lyrical quality, even a sort of makeshift meter to Mariah’s finely edited rambling. So we’ve taken a rough transcription of Mariah’s dialogue from the clip, and we’ve turned it into the ode to life, love and low-cost accessorizing that it was clearly intended to be. No plagiarizing for your 10th-grade English assignments, now.
I LOVE, I AM by Mariah Carey
I love a pavé hoop.
I love hoop earrings.
I love a stud.
I love how these sparkle,
I love what we’re seeing.
I love crochet,
So I love this bag on you.
We love the tassel thing.
I love the buttons,
I love the bandanna.
I love how her arms look,
I love the charms.
I love the smell,
I love that print.
I love this hoodie,
I love these shoes,
and I love the floral,
because it gives you a little pow.
I love the red on the inside,
and I love the black right here.
I love the Mariah Carey lining.
I love the suede,
I love red.
I love the cross-body on this.
Love the process of creating,
I love Nettie’s figure,
Cause she’s like a real woman.
I love meet and greets,
My mother and I love the pool,
like we’re obsessed with water,
and all things water.
As you know,
I love Italy,
I love traveling.
I love everywhere else,
But nothing is like New York.
I love my beautiful, classic ring,
that was given to me by a fabulous jewelry company.
I love the nude shoes.
I love this whole outfit together.
I love this layered,
I love this color,
I love how this looks on you.
I love that look.
I love that,
and I love when you mixed it with the pink.
I would love that for a wedding.
I love that on her, and this detail on the side,
I have to say,
I love this one so much better.
I love those on her.
Are you kidding?
These are everything to me,
I love them.
I love both these tops, seriously,
and I love them in the gold,
With this top.
I love the white gold,
That you have in your hands there.
I love the gold as well,
I actually love it,
In both the white and the gold.
I also love a gold bottom.
I love rose gold,
I love the pink with the rose gold.
If I’m gonna wear a bag,
I’m going to love it.
I could talk about these,
the whole live long day.
Love it with those pants.
I love it for summer,
Because the gold with your tan,
Looks really pretty.
I love it,
Especially with that beige.
Love, love, love.
I love Mindy Grossman,
Who’s the queen of HSN.
I love Elizabeth Arden.
I love you Nick.
We love you Laurent.
I love you in the white,
Love you much,
Love you too.
I am a people person.
We love everybody.
Love you world.
We talked about a lot of things we loved today,
Song titles, fragrances, whatever,
But that’s something that’s representative of,
Just how you feel in your heart.
This was a definite labor of love.
Check Us Out On
Smacking famous pop stars has not proved an effective way to get people to like you, Keef!
Cue celebratory chicken dance!
Do you know the secret history of "Heart Attack"?
They were meant for fame, and fame was meant for them...
By going public, Jolie has brought widespread attention to an issue that does have controversial elements.
What does success mean for Beyonce?
They better not be playin' games with our hearts.
This man is dressed like Psy, but he is not Psy.
That Lee Hyori reign just won't let up!
Is anybody else surprised at how well this 4minute song is doing, or is it just us?
Who run the world? Blue. BLUE!
What FOOLS we were thinking it was because of Skrillex all this time...
Ke$ha finally put her money where her mouth is: She drank her own pee.
It feels like the perfect night/To design a t-shirt.
Like your boys, cute, talented and from YouTube? Then we've got good news for you.