Khia…well, she certainly isn’t going to make many headlines with the release of her new album (Motor Mouf a.k.a. Khia Shimone) alone. The female rapper, that no one outside of the internet has cared about since her provocative #42 hit “My Neck, My Beck” was released nearly a decade ago, decided to handicap Motor Mouf‘s release with an attention-grabbing post on her similarly titled blog. The self-proclaimed Queen of the South, evidently incensed by some sort of perceived dis of Tupac Shakur’s mother Afeni (“Affine”) at Tupac’s 40th Birthday celebration, goes off on an A-Z array of hip-hop, internet and celebrity culture figures, while quoting Katy Perry in the post title, making repeated references to the “EBT Card Awards,” mentioning Dennis Rodman multiple times, and, of course, taking important time to promote her upcoming album.
You should really check the whole thing out when you have a spare fortnight at your disposal, but in the meantime, some high notes:
B FOR BEYONCÉ: “Fuck this hoe………Can Kelly Rowland make a little bit of MONEY????… Imma fan true enough, but we really sick of looking at you! Give Solange a chance or give your husband Jay Z some children cuz he getting ole as Methuselah and his time is running OUT!!!
I FOR ICE-T AND COCO: “So when did we start giving pimps and hoes a show??????? Now Ice T you know it aint no Coco in that street walker, it should’ve been Ice T and Vanilla Ice Cream silicone overdose! Naw better yet, Dusty Rhodes and Baby Doll from the ole school WWF!…We done seen all this bullshit before and the Queen still aint got no show yet? Raise your hands if you ready for the real!”
R FOR RICK ROSS: “I’m a little sick of you talking about dope and fucking bitches in the ass on all your songs! Listen ladies, a straight man would not want to violate your ass, bypassing all that good pussy to go straight to the asshole…… I got a problem with that!!!!! Ass is ass…..If you try one, you tried them all!!!!”
W FOR WAKA FLOCKA FLAME: “Waka and that little ass peeeeeter Ad….The hood is laughing at you!!!!! I’m gone respect the fact that you showing love to the animals but that body aint wassup!!! Dennis Rodman’s ad looked better……That queen gave you body!!!!!! Stay tuned for mine…….Coming this fall!!!!!!!!!!”
XCSAPE “XCUSE ME”: “Xcuse me…. For always keeping shit 100.
Xcuse me…. For writing and producing my own shit.
Xcuse me…. For being happy and nappy.
Xcuse me… For being the official female independent artist in the game.”
You’re xcused, Khia. See you in another decade.