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5 Pop Stars Less Qualified To Write About Bullying Than 50 Cent

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Posted by Katherine St Asaph on 06/20/2011 at 3:25 PM News

The Popdust Files: 50 cent, bullying, list

The man who warned the world that he’s a motherfuckin’ P.I.M.P., not to be messed with, is now going to impart this un-messwithable message to impressionable people all around the world with upcoming book Playground. The semi-autographical book will follow a tweenage bully who learns the error of his ways and will probably be somewhat sappy, at least as much as you could expect from a 50 Cent book. (There are two others!)

This is where people paying attention might raise sensible questions, like “didn’t 50 Cent just get in an argument with his label?” (It got better.) or “isn’t 50 Cent kind of prolific with the feuds? ‘Wanksta’? Anyone?” Valid points all, but cut 50 some slack. Name a musician without strong opinions on at least one other musician, and you’ve just named a musician with a crackerjack PR team shutting him up. As far as the Twitter stuff, that was nothing, trust us.

And 50′s hardly the least qualified musician to talk about bullying. There’s an awful lot of mean on the charts, “Born This Way” and “Firework” and “Who Says” and “Perfect” aside. One of these musicians even appears on this list! But who? Read on.

5. Anyone in Odd Future

Well, maybe not everyone in Odd Future; we only really hear about the antics of a handful of people, usually people whose names are followed by “The Creator.” But anyone on the scene with this violence-to-verbiage ratio makes the list. (Still not sure who these Odd Future people are that we keep bringing up? A representative–mild, even–line involves stabbing Bruno Mars in the Lord’s name in vained esophagus.

(In case you’re a Twitter-feud follower, Chris Brown could also make this list, but we thought the reasoning there would be far too obvious even to bring up.)

4. John Mayer

Mayer makes the list on the “strength” of the Playboy interview–anyone who ironically or not refers to part of himself as a “white supremacist” is not the right person to be teaching kids about bullying, or really anything else. End of story.

3. Kreayshawn

To be fair, at this start-point of her career Kreayshawn is not qualified to write about anything but how to give awesome interviews in a park. But even so: her basic single involves making fun of “basic bitches” for how they dress, and there’s already Nicki Minaj beef–or young veal, whatever–after about two weeks of prominence. That’s not too nice!

2. Eminem

Let’s put it this way and save you some reading: Eminem has an entire Wikipedia section, with subcategories, dedicated solely to feuds. And it doesn’t include any of the myriad pop-star disses in his lyrics, or fully address the equally myriad accusations of homophobia. “Love the Way You Lie” almost worked as an earnest anti-violence message, but then he went and dropped a transgender insult against Lady Gaga that’s as banal as it’s offensive. Just like real bullies!

1. Katy Perry

Where do we start? “UR So Gay” would be enough, with lyrics like “you’re so gay, and you don’t even like boys” that even the hardest bullies would smear off the bathroom stall like Good Samaritans. “Waking Up in Vegas” is less a song than an extended snarl at a dude who’s probably as confused and hungover as she is. And “I Kissed A Girl” probably set gay stereotypes (the “she’s just doing it for her boyfriend!” excuse, y’know) back a decade or two.

But hey, those are just One of the Boys. On her next album, she even had an earnest anti-bullying song of her own! But then she went and concocted a nerd stereotype and practically begged the world to laugh at her friendless state (and let’s be honest, everything in Kathy’s characterization was a geek punchline) until Rebecca Black gave her a makeover. If anything, it’s worse that “Last Friday Night” was the second-best track on Teenage Dream and would have been awesome on its own. But no–Katy Perry had to go in and bully things up, undoing “Firework” and secure her spot as the least qualified person in pop to write about bullying. Sorry. At least we’ll reluctantly have “Teenage Dream.”

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