Posted by Katherine St Asaph on 05/25/2011 at 1:51 PM Videos

The Popdust Files: britney spears

Oh, how we pine for the days where Chris Crocker held sway over America and Britney Spears. But now? Nothing. Not the teensiest bit of sway. Because if there were some, or justice in the world, this Jimmy Kimmel video of Britney Spears quasi-performing will.i.am collaboration “Big Fat Bass” would not exist:

Popdust, along with the rest of the world, has scientifically documented the rise and fall of Brit’s dance skills. But this is something new. Kimmel held the video until now, and we can see why, because Spears hardly makes a move without one of the following:

- Sitting on something.
- Leaning against something.
- Being helped down from something.
- Being moved around by something with wheels.
- Doing something that might resemble a routine were the lights not suddenly and conveniently turned down all the way.

She’s not singing live–no surprises there–but there’s only a dead frown where the lip synching would normally be. It’s way past being something to joke about, and it’s starting to get past something that’s only sad to watch. We almost hate posting these because every time, Spears seems to want us watching less and less. And yet they keep coming.

At least awards-show season is winding down, and the next Femme Fatale single, “I Wanna Go,” isn’t due until mid-June. To whoever’s really making these calls: can this–please–be a moratorium on live Britney performances? The tour, yeah, but still: nobody’s going to mind if they only hear the studio version. Bad publicity really does exist. Or at least tell yourself that, for Brit’s sake.