If you live somewhere on this blue planet of ours, you’re in luck—chances are, Katy Perry is coming to your town. Perry recently released a trailer for her globe-tripping California Dreams Tour, which will take her to 104 different locations in five separate continents. (Better luck next time, Antarctica). The 66-second clip below features Perry doing your basic pop- diva world-tour backstage stuff: huddling with her backup dancers, getting showered with balloons and glitter, chewing out a stagehand for failing to remove all the Brown M&Ms from her pre-concert spread. (OK, maybe we’re mixing up that last one with the trailer for Van Halen’s last tour.)
Here’s what we learned about Katy from the teaser:
- She’s Been Holding Out Her Candiness on Us. “I’ve never really done the candy thing 100%,” she laments. “I just need to take it up another level. Now is the time to go there.” If shooting frosting out of her breasts was Katy at 60% Candy, who dares imagine what Full-Power Candy Katy will look like?
- She Doesn’t Need a Chorus of Kids to Sell “Firework”: The version in the trailer, notably lacking contribution from P.S. 22, still sounds okay, though it’s possible she’s cheating and just using the studio cut.
- She Really, Really Likes the Color Pink. But I guess we knew that one already.
- Her Fans Really, Really Like Her. Aside from the “KATY! KATY!” chants and steady stream of rapturous cheering throughout the video, one crying fan even needs assistance from security after experiencing what appears to be a Too-Much-Joy emotional breakdown. That good, huh?
- She Feels Her Success is Ill-Earned. “To say that you had a sold-out arena tour, in the first five years of your career,” reflects Perry. “It’s not supposed to happen like that.” Well, Katy, you should have thought about that before the four No. 1 singles, shouldn’t you? Little late for regrets now.