Britney Spears’ comeback single “Hold It Against Me” premieres this Tuesday, and according to Ryan Seacrest, it “blew away the demo” version of the track that leaked earlier this week. (He might be saying that because he’s got the line on the premiere.)
For those of you who missed Britney’s presence in your life, here’s a primer on where she’s been all these months.
January 2010. Britney opens the new year under the watchful eye of her father, Jamie Spears, who’s still handling her affairs under a judge-mandated conservatorship.
February 2010. Annie Liebovitz and Terry Richardson take shots of (not at) Britney to get ready for her Candies campaign.
March 2010. Jive announces that Britney’s seventh studio album, to be executive-produced by Max Martin and Dr. Luke, is on the way. Also, the finished product of the Terry Richardson shoot takes over Times Square and makes approximately 55% of passerby feel kinda weird.
May 2010. The UK tabloid The Sun claims that Brit Brit, like every good celebrity, wants to be cryogenically frozen so she can live forever. This is apparently not true. She is, however, trying to increase her cool quotient by working with the dubstep producer Rusko.
July 2010. In Cosmo, Britney writes that she gets cheered up by “coffee and ice cream,” that toilet-training her kids was a tough gig, and that she prefers to wear clothes that are “flattering yet comfortable.” Some of these answers seem a bit more believable than others.
August 2010. Britney shoots Glee, with scenes that will be on an episode devoted to her music. “Its GLEEKERIFIC!” she Tweet-exclaims, no doubt trying to take her microblogging crown back from Lady Gaga.
August 2010. The commercial for Britney’s perfume Radiance has her running away from the paps and talking about choosing her own destiny, because if you can’t sell the smell, you can at least smell the fantasy.
September 2010. The Glee episode featuring Britney’s music premiered to rapturous fans and high ratings, but the endorsement of New Directions wasn’t enough to convince a judge to not lift her conservatorship.
December 2010. Exasperated by the tabloids and her ex Jason Alexander for spreading rumors about her boyfriend Jason Trawick’s abuse, Britney invites the general “ya’ll” to kiss her “lily white Southern Louisiana ass.” Just in time for the beginning of the promo cycle and her birthday! (There’s a more legal-sounding version of the smackdown out there, too, but that’s no fun.)
January 2011. Leaking demos! Seacrest raves! Claims that a forthcoming music video is taking six weeks to complete, because it’s that heavily choreographed!